Musings

Although I don't have time to post pictures or a real update at the moment, I will cut and paste something I wrote a few nights ago after listening to a Tim Keller sermon with Isaac, Kendra, Ezra (Isaac's brother) and Hali (Ezra's wife). As a single person, I do think about these things - especially while observing married couples - so please enjoy a little bit of lost-in-thoughtness regarding the whole thing. <grin>

For a while now, I have had debates with myself regarding marriage (specifically regarding myself). I want it, but I'm content and comfortable in my singleness. Not that I don't get distracted or tired of it sometimes... but just in general, that's how I feel. On the other hand, I want to get married, have kids, raise a family, be a mother, wife... you know. But lately I've debated whether it is worth it. There are so many, well... average, marriages. Also, there are so many marriages that end in divorce. And of course, nobody ever thinks it will happen to them, but it does. So is it really worth the risk? I waver in my answer. Sometimes I see a really good marriage, and I think, “Now that is what I want. I just have to work at it hard enough and really make it happen.” And I believe myself. And other times I see bad marriages and think, “That would be so tragic. I don't know if it's worth the risk.”

But the ones that scare me the most are the ones that are just mediocre. There are two people living together, sharing a home, doing things together, but there is no real friendship and camaraderie. There is no spark. It's dead. Now they just live together. Oh sure, their marriage is fine. Their lives are fine. But the fun and beauty and goodness has all disappeared and now there is just a bland sort of existence that is not bad enough to complain about, but not good enough to glory in. Those are the ones that scare me the most. I realize that the “in-love” feelings will pass. I realize that the silly butterflies are just a shadow of real love. But along with those realizations, I know deep inside that marriage is supposed to be beautiful, glorious, good, stretching, growing, rewarding work.

So, it is good to see a marriage that has had rocks and bumps and potholes... but that is GOOD. Isaac and Kendra have such a marriage. It makes me think, “Maybe, even with the work and insanity of it... maybe... just maybe, it won't be so bad after all. Maybe it doesn't have to turn out mediocre.” In light of watching and listening to Isaac and Kendra, here are my recent responses to my own doubts.

Marriage is serving. It is commitment to availability to Christ. It is covenanting with another human being. It is sacrificing my wants every day and placing another before myself. It is tremendously challenging. It is the process of sanctification. It has the potential to be doubly as bad as life can be for a single person. It has the potential to be doubly as good. Marriage is being vulnerable in every way to your spouse. They see you for who you are. You see them for who they are. You deal with each others' problems together. You carry burdens together. It is hard. It is rough. It is glorious. Marriage is the lovely picture of Christ and the Church. Love. Friendship. Affection. Lover-ness. God's love. There is no perfect partner in human marriage. But there is perfection in Christ, and marriage teaches you what it is to belong to Christ.

I know I left a lot out. But it's not as if someone could say everything about marriage in one paragraph.

Tips to my future self for raising children: If you make a promise, keep it. Eg. “Joseph, if you don't stop that right now, you will be grounded from all snacks tomorrow.” Children respect this. The reverse is also true. If you continually make promises and continually break them, children will NOT respect them. Eg. “You are about to be in big trouble.” <-- This child belonged to a lady who visited a few days ago. I heard her make this promise to her son at least five times in ten minutes. Not once was the promise carried out. Only empty threats. The child was not bad, per-say, but he certainly thought nothing of his mother's empty threats. He just kept on doing what he was doing (hence the threat five times in ten minutes). One of the reasons that I respect Isaac and Kendra is because they keep their promises to their kids. Hadassah knows that if she keeps wandering around the house, crying loudly for no reason, that she will go back to bed. Kendra is good on her word that way. But Hadassah also knows that if she behaves, that she will get to stay up and play. Joseph knows that being grounded from treats is not just an empty threat. It is, in fact, a concept that he grasps quite well – due to the fact that it has happened before. Isaac and Kendra are good on their word.

It makes me happy to bring a bit of relief to a family who loves the Lord so very much. They want to pour into people. They have somehow managed to get into as many Bible studies here as they did at Ravencrest. They aren't burnt out, though you'd think they would be. They are growing and struggling, as children of the living God must do. But they are intent on learning to trust Jesus Christ more fully with their lives. They are intent on knowing Him for who He really is and not for who they project or manipulate Him to be. It's encouraging. Specially since I can have such a rebellious attitude at times (more on this later, perhaps). However, I feel open to them speaking into my life, because I can rest fully assured that they speak purely out of love, and not just out of a desire to “straighten me out”. They want me to grow. They want for themselves to grow as well. Isaac said, “I want anything that hinders me from knowing Jesus to be torn down. I want idols in my life to be taken away. And I expect that my brothers and sisters in Christ to feel the same way.” I do feel that way as well. I hope it stays that way.

That's the end of my cut and paste section! Lots of hilarious things have happened since I've arrived in Texas. I will post pictures and comical stories asap! By the way, I am available by phone, and although it has been busy, I can always return calls. :) Feel free to call and catch up. Internet access is limited thus far.

Till next time, my faithful readers! May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing!