Admiration

Fall is here. At night as I lay awake whispering last thankful expressions to God, I hear the acorns tumbling off the roof and landing with a soft thud on the ground next to my window. When I drive anywhere, or even walk around my neighborhood, I am awed by the glorious autumn splendor that is bursting colorfully from the trees and fluttering on the fingers of the wind downward to the leaf-strewn ground. The air is crisper, the sunlight is flightier. The days grow tired of holding winter back, and are slowly beginning to sleep in and go to bed early.

This is the time of year where stories start flying through my head and it is all I can manage to type them up before I forget them. There are also a lot of good opportunities for reading in front of the fire, and my mum, dad and I have just started the Little House books again.

Reading these books as an adult is drastically different from hearing them as a child. As I read, I am constantly reminded of families in my life that remind me of Laura Ingalls' family. And in particular, as I read about Mary and Laura's days with Ma, I am increasingly reminded of a lovely lady I know by the name of Sarah Snyder.

Sarah herself blogged once (and I will always remember this) that she believes anything a child CAN do, they ought to learn HOW to do. I remember being struck with the brilliance of this concept; and thought back in my own life about how my mum did this with me and my sibs.

So it is no wonder that I was reminded of Sarah and her girls as I read that:
1. Laura and Mary made their own bed every morning;
2. They helped Ma with the dishes each day, and each wiped off their own cup and plate;
3. On baking day they each made their own little loaf of bread, and once Laura even made a pie in her patty pan;
4. Mary made a doll's dress for Laura's birthday (she couldn't have been more than six-years-old) and Laura knew how to knit when she was four;
5. Mary helped churn the butter;
6. The girls were expected to be polite and use manners.

Sarah is every bit as innovative as Ma in finding ways for her daughters to help. I can picture them doing these same sorts of things right now - minus churning the butter, perhaps.

So, Sarah, if you read this, know that I feel privileged to watch you and Erik raise your family, and that I am taking many notes as I watch so that, like you, I may someday be a woman who is as wise and creative at leading her children each day as Caroline Ingalls was.

If you, my readers, feel that you simply must find out more about this neat family I've mentioned, feel free to visit their blog: http://erikandsarahsnyder.blogspot.com/

Golden Hour

I wrote this while driving from A-town to SJ a couple weeks ago. I plan to take it apart and put it in a story sometime, but until then, here is the raw picture. :)


Endless vineyards at golden hour
Hills rising out of the whole horizon
Great thunderclouds lined up and marching inland
Like a fleet of warships
The sun standing on the westernmost sky
Boldly
Shadows casting themselves upon the hills
Which are yet half-golden
Columns of Eucalyptus trees
Leaning their own shadows over highways
The sun pouring himself warmly
Across the setting countryside
And that certain glow
That comes over the whole world
When it sets

The Bright Side

Last week was really awful. I won't go into detail - you'll just have to believe me. Truly, it was one of the worst weeks I've had all year. Pretty much everything fell apart, broke, didn't go as planned or just plain failed. It was pretty bad.

What I usually do when I have bad days or weeks like that, is try to imagine how much worse it could be. For example, my car broke down right when I needed it the most and I had to rent a car to drive to San Jose for the weekend. So to help myself see the bright side, I tried to think of how it could be worse.


Well, the rental place could have charged me twice as much for being under 25, but they didn't... and at least they had a car available on short notice. And even if my power steering doesn't work on my car,  at least the engine is still sort of running... and it got me back home last weekend, which is a real bonus, because it could have stopped working on the road...


So it takes a bit of creativity, but there is always a way things could be worse - and once you think of those things, your current troubles don't seem quite so bad.

Also, I think God uses the bad weeks to teach us to trust in Him. Things will go wrong in our lives, so it is silly for us to draw our security from our circumstances. But we do anyway, right? What if, instead of drawing our security from our circumstances, we drew our security from Christ? Can you imagine how that would change our reactions to unplanned events in our lives? But I am convinced that God faithfully uses these unplanned events in my own life to show me what is truly important, and to teach me thankfulness.

Every weekend when driving to and from San Jose, I have passed a farm that has great reminders posted up for drivers. When passing the farm, you can see some hand-made signs that say, "Trust Jesus". That is all. And each time I pass them, I am reminded of the only really important thing in life - that I am surrendered to HIM. This week it was a particularly good reminder, because of all that had happened.

Really, even the worst of weeks can be turned into good weeks if we are willing to trust in the One who is in control of our circumstances - namely, Jesus Christ.

My Last Week with Candi Smith :)

On Sunday the 16th Candi and Jordan and I went off-roading in Jordan's Samurai... of course, it doesn't have registration so the off-roading consisted of driving around in Jordan's front yard. :)

The next day Candi I and woke up BRIGHT and early and got ready to spearfish with Jordan. I was apprehensive. Candi expressed several times that Jordan loves this, and that she wanted to love it and do it with him. That was inspiring to me. We met up with Jordan and the Denkers (Ryan and his dad) and loaded up the boat, then drove down to Santa Barbara. Candi and I had never been on a boat in the ocean before, so we had no idea if we would get seasick, but we didn't, even the water was SUPER choppy.

The island was lovely and rocky. Candi and I got into our wetsuits and jumped in, and both swam around for a while and saw some cool things in the water. Candi evenutally got really, really cold. I was afraid she'd catch hypothermia, and Mr. Denker told us to get her into dry clothes so she could warm up. So we did, and finally she got a little warmer. But seriously, for a few minutes there I was thinking how awful it would be if Candi died a few days before her wedding... and I knew I would never forgive myself if something happened to her and I could have prevented it. So I was glad to help her get her wetsuit off and get dry and warm. When we were done we ate some nasty chicken from Vons that had not been refrigerated for the last seven hours. More on this later.

The ride back to the harbor was just as choppy and bumpy as ever. But when Candi and I looked back, the island was enshrouded with bright sunshine and mist. The heavy clouds opened just enough to let the sun make the island a golden glow. We got back to the mainland, got dry, got in the car, headed home... and that's when it all went down. I started feeling horribly ill, and after hours we fiiiiinally got home. I was feeling a bit better when I got to Ann and Darren's, so I went to sleep. Then, to make a gross story short, I woke up later in the night and eventually felt much better due to my stomach's natural and God-given method of dealing with food-poisoning from that nasty chicken. Then Candi woke up and was seriously bummed out because her stomach felt awful as well, and she was REALLY tired and wanted sleep because the wedding was coming. I felt bad for her, but we essentially had one last bit of sister bonding time with shared food-poisoning! It was horrible, and yet strangely endearing, hahaha.

While being sick together we:

Read the Bible together

Talked about our shared symptoms

Were extremely generous in sharing the toilet when the other needed it

Read quite a bit more in An Old Fashioned Girl

Enjoyed wholesome and sweet sister bonding time

Prayed with each other

Sucked on peppermint together

Ate Saltine crackers very slowly

Drank a lot of ginger tea

Generally just enjoyed each other's company and loved on each other

For Candi's bachellorette party on Thursday we had a girls' night in. Elizabeth made an incredible pesto, and Rochelle (fellow bridesmaid and former Ravencrester) and I made a lovely salad. It was pretty awesome. 

Friday morning all of us girls went to get our nails done. I ended up not having mine done. Instead I went next door to the tables outside of Starbucks and Rochelle painted my fingernails. We were in the middle of a really good conversation when a guy who was definitely high on something pulled up to Starbucks. He was shirtless, and struggling to get one on (seriously struggling - like the whole five minutes he was there) and saw Rochelle and I. He started saying weird things, and we ignored him at first. But when he said, "Ooooooooh, nails! Can I see?" I just told him flat out, "No, you can't." and he walked away commenting on how he must have creeped us out. Rochelle and I exchanged half-amused smirks and kept on with the nail painting.

After a minute the high guy came out again and started asking us what in particular about him was creepy. Finally I turned to him and said, "Look dude.... we just have REALLY HIGH standards." 

He started back-peddling, "I didn't even mean it that way, I'm actually married," (he had a ring anyway,) "You aren't even my type... in fact, you're both kind of ugly. Yeah, you're ugly!" 

Rochelle and I just stared at each other with suppressed laughter and did our best to not snort too loudly. We immediately started whispering:

"Oh my goodness! We're ugly!"

"That's our problem! That's why we're still single!"

"Hahaha! Maybe we should have acted devastated."

"What would he have done if we'd burst out crying?"

I'm glad that Ro and I were there to support one another in our ugliness. :P I will always remember that day. You just don't forget that kind of thing. Hahahaha!

That night was the rehearsal dinner. We had chicken. I had a tiny bit. Candi didn't have any. :D Both of us shared a slight aversion to chicken after our food poisoning. When the dinner was all done, Ro and I went to Ann and Darren's and tucked Candi in (after many last minute wedding preparations). We massaged her back and feet and prayed for her, and made her promise to go right to sleep. :)

The next morning all of us bridesmaids met up at the location and were shown to our room. We were soooo spoiled. There were cold water bottles in ice, and tea and coffee, and everything else we could have wanted. We all did our make-up and hair and finally got into our dresses. At one point we heard a loud noise and looked out our window to discover that two of the groomsmen had just arrived in their tuxes.... on their motorcycles. That gave us a good laugh.

Candi arrived from her hair appointment and seriously could have gotten married right then. Her hair was perfect. She was wearing a tiara... and yoga pants, lol. She didn't have make-up on, but she didn't even need it. She looked amazing. We all tried to convince her to just marry Jordan as she was, but she decided that since she'd gotten a dress, she might as well wear it.

Finally we were all dressed and ready, and from there the day kind of just flew by. We went down to do pictures (Candi and I did a special one together with barfing faces... just to commemorate the food poisoning incident), and before I knew it I was watching Candi walk down the aisle. She and Jordan exchanged their beautiful vows, and Candi looked like a fairy tale princess. I couldn't stop smiling when I looked at her. Then the wedding was done, the reception was in full swing, and what with conversations with friends, cake cutting, and finally toasting the happy couple, I feel like those hours just slipped through my fingers. Before I knew it, they drove away.

I was fortunate in that I got to deliver Candi's jewelry that she left behind - so I did see them one last time before they left for their honeymoon. I didn't want the celebration to end, but by the time I hit the pillow that night, I was utterly exhausted - emotionally and physically - and that is probably the reason for the very long cry that ensued. But I thanked Jesus for giving me Candi as a sister, and now Jordan as a brother. And when I was done I fell into a deep and restful slumber.

That was my last week with Candi Smith... but many adventures with Jordan and Candi Van Horn will follow, I am sure. :) Hopefully there will be pictures to come!

Right in My Eyes

In the book of Judges it says: "In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes." (Judges 17:6; 21:25) This is an attitude I have noticed in people quite a lot recently. But the more I recognize it in others, the more excruciatingly vivid it becomes in my own attitude. I am guilty of thinking I'm always right... or at least that I always have the right intentions.

My friend Shiloh actually brought this to my attention a few months ago. I was presenting how I really find myself to be an interesting person (though this may be vain, it IS true), and Shiloh made the comment, "Well, every man is right in his own eyes, according to the Bible." I admit that I felt a bit surprised - I was rather expecting something like, "But Christy, you ARE incredibly interesting!" Hahaha. But that was the start of all my thoughts on this, so I'm grateful for his words.

The truth is, Shiloh is correct. Each man is right in his own eyes. It says in Proverbs, "The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but he who listens to counsel is wise." (Prov 12:15) and again, "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart)." (Prov 16:2)

We all give preference to ourselves. When we hurt others we know it wasn't intentional... or even if it was, they deserved it because they hurt us first. Our actions are right to us. We excuse thoughts that others would find offensive. We dismiss hurtful comments because we didn't intend them to come out that way. We pardon our actions because they came out of misunderstanding (if we had been informed, we would never have done that!). In the beginning of his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shows that even the worst of criminals believe themselves innocent!

I suppose another thing that made me notice this in myself was the privilege of observing the same attitude in certain campers while I counseled one week this summer. During and after that week of camp, I noticed that every time something irritating happened, even if it was my fault, I immediately started making excuses for myself. I'm so tired. I haven't had a moment to myself all summer. Well I have to shower SOMETIME. She knows I hate it when she says that. They could have at least TOLD me that they were offended! Why are we so much readier to extend grace to ourselves than to others?

Thankfully, I did notice this ugly selfish regard for myself. So when I found myself justifying something, I stopped myself and set myself straight, and within a minute I was justifying myself about something else. You'd think I was hopeless. Thank God for His indwelling life; His very Spirit to lead me in the way I should walk!

The whole thing reminds me of a song called The Problem by Downhere (my all-time favorite band):

There's got to be some reason for all this misery

Some secret evil corporation somewhere overseas

They're pulling strings arranging things

It's a conspiracy!

Or what about the ones who shaped the course of history?

What if we petitioned for one grand apology?

I'll write to my prime minister -

You write your president!

Everybody's wondering how the world could get this way

If God is good, and how it could be filled with so much pain

It's not the age-old mystery we've made it out to be

Yeah there's a problem with the world

The problem with the world is me

Some will say the devil and his legions

Have put us in a headlock of submission

But they lost all power over me

A long, long time ago

And since I was a kid you know I've caused a lot of hurt

No-one ever taught me how to put myself first

It came so very naturally

I'm not a prodigy

So I will look no further than the mirror

That's where the great offender hides

So great is my need for a redeemer

That I cannot trust myself

No, I cannot trust myself

I dare not trust myself

So I trust in Someone else

The sooner you can sing along

The sooner you can sing this song

The happier you'll be

The problem with the world is me.

I especially love the second verse because it is so revealing of life apart from Christ. It's not like we need to WORK at being selfish. It comes naturally. The problem isn't an outside force - it's me.

Our world is so ready to help us blame others. Just listen to the media, or psychology, or your friends. Ironically, if everyone blames everyone, it's still everyone's fault. So let's own up. Let's be true men and women instead of mere shadows. Let's take responsibility for that which belongs to us - specifically, our own thoughts, intents and actions.

In my own life this means taking the blame when I'd rather not, turning the other cheek, giving preference to others and considering their needs as more important than my own. It cannot hurt me; "it only hurts my pride, and I do not owe my pride anything" (MacDonald). I am ready to be a true woman - one who gives instead of takes; one who serves instead of demands; one who loves truly and lives uprightly.

"For through the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think so as to have sound judgment..." Romans 12:3a

Up for Some Air

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels a bit pounded by the waves and tides of life. There must be others who long for a moment all by themselves to collect those scattered thoughts so as to process, file and store them neatly away.

Honestly, this has got to be short because I am really exhausted; but I have to say that the last few days have been some of the most relaxing, amazing days ever. I read books all day long yesterday. Today I accomplished a couple things, read some more, skyped a bit, made some banana bread.... this is really the life! But I think I enjoy it ten times more because I haven't had a single moment to myself all summer long. I'm glad that's how it works. :)

To all of my readers: I hope you find a few spare moments in these next few days to contemplate eternity and life, and to sort those thoughts that need sorting. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing.

My Best Friend :)

My third sister is about to get married, and as with all new stages of life, things will change a little bit. :) But Candi will always be my best friend - even if we won't see each other quite as much as before! We talked about that this morning and agreed that we need to spend plenty of time together before the wedding, and plenty of time on the phone after. :)


Late nights, long talks,
Endless vows to take walks -
No follow through,
But I was with you;
I miss my best friend.

Long days, late drives,
Rare were good-byes
I left and returned
I finally learned
I missed my best friend

Time gone, so fast,
What was then has passed
We've grown up now
You're saying vows
I miss my best friend

Though wrong; I'm sad,
The days we had
Were always good
So misunderstood
I miss my best friend

The chapter ends,
The book is done;
The prince arrived,
The princess won;
This reader is still looking on,
Watching till the pair is gone.
A sigh, a pang, a breath of air,
The people slowly leave her there.
It's lovely, also bittersweet;
Alone, just fine, but she must think
Now that they are at the end
She misses her best friend.

My Last Night of 22

I love growing up. Life is so full and rich!

April's spilling,

Days are filling,

Summer's here,

But Spring's appeared

In all the flowers

Of the season

Which committed

Such a treason;

By sneaking in

Unforeseen...

So we'll explain

Why they are all here again - 

It's really quite appalling!

The day is tinting summer's flavor

With warmth that we long to savor.

Won't you be more than a guest?

Stay a little longer yet?

Thank you, but it's not to be;

The sun will work its ripening,

The blossoms fall, the fruit appear;

Just as it must this time of year.

You sow in trust, in faith you reap;

If God says "give," 'tis loss to keep.

Summer days so swiftly flown,

And still half summer yet to go!

So close to growing up I've been,

Still such a little child I am;

Sometimes in fear I give a smirk,

Pretending that the age that lurks

Just around the corner

Is something I can scorn!

But when I'm most honest with me

I do not even care to flee - 

Instead I'll take it in my stride,

Savor it with all my might -

And smile as I get older.

Yes, I'm watching me get older.

:)

Lovely Incapability

If you want to get to the meat of the blog, you can skip the life highlights, but for those of you who are interested....

Recent Life Highlights:

My dear friend Claire arrived on July 3. She did the last two weeks of camp with me and seemed to enjoy it pretty tremendously! The other staff and campers also enjoyed her (that was no surprise to me)!

My sister Candi is now engaged to Jordan! :)

Strawberries are in season. :)

I very likely have a place to move into in October!

I plan to take a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course in September. Still praying about money on that one! :)

Last week I counseled at camp. Counseling is not my strong point. I did it twice before in the ten summers I volunteered at camp. But honestly, I was never the counselor type. 

Due to the aforementioned, you may imagine that I was a bit apprehensive before counseling at camp last week. I had a talk with God beforehand and essentially put it all on Him. "Well, Lord, you know that this is not my strength. But I know that it is Your strength. These are Your children, and I believe You will teach them. So Lord, I look forward to seeing You at work as I make myself available to You. Thank You for what You will teach Your children."

The truth is that God gave me a lot of wisdom during the week. I had no real devotional plan outlined when I arrived at camp on Sunday night. But each devotion was planned, thought out, and understandable - even though for some I had about ten minutes of prep time. The girls in my cabin all seemed to grasp what we talked about each morning and evening, and their questions and answers were deep. There were no real issues in the cabin, but even in the small things, God gave me tremendous wisdom. I have always struggled to know when to be firm or strict, and when to laugh and not make a big deal of things. My typical pattern has been that I always do the wrong one. But this week I knew. Not because I suddenly figured out the perfect way to make a child obey, but simply because God gave me wisdom. It was a GOOD week.

I so appreciate the times when I know without doubt that I am inadequate and that running away is not an option. It creates opportunity to walk forward in complete reliance on Jesus to live His life. That is, of course, exactly how it OUGHT to be. We were never intended to live the Christian life. Rather, we are to know our inadequacy to live this life, and rest in the fullness of truth that Christ lives it perfectly as we trust Him to do so. It's a beautiful thing.

I look forward to the next time when I know without a doubt that I am inadequate. I hope it's tomorrow! Why? Because I love seeing Christianity lived by the only One capable of living it - by Christ Jesus Himself.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

Lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Week 1

I love the smell of sulfur. Kind of weird, yes - but before you judge me, I must tell you why. I love that smell because it is the smell of camp. The water at camp has very high levels of sulfur, so every year when I arrive, I breathe in that nasty smell, and a flood of sweet memories come flooding into my brain. It's a beautiful thing.

Camp is that place where big things always happened. Everything sort of came together there. In fact, I'm thinking this moment of the year when I fought with Candi alllllllll the time, and after getting back from camp, realized that I was the one in the wrong all those times. Camp was the place I accepted Jesus as my King and Savior. Camp is where I surrendered Bible School to God after clutching onto it for so long.

I got the opportunity to serve at camp again this year. That good ol' smell of sulfur greeted me as I stepped out of the car. The levels are high this year, so it smells like I'm showering in rotten eggs. Bah - I don't mind. :) It's the smell of camp! Anyway, my job the first week was hostess. That does not mean I seated the campers when they came in for dinner. It meant that I was in charge of a crew of seven kitchen helpers. They did the work, I made sure it got done. Sounds easy, but it's plenty of work, believe me.

There is a lot to say about camp, and I see that I've already given you four paragraphs that have not a whole lot to do with what I want to say. So here goes. This year, I didn't feel like I really cared that I was at camp. Oh sure, it was great to be here, but I didn't feel like spending time with the kids. I didn't feel like talking to them or hanging out with them or learning their names. Granted, the kitchen is a bit removed from all the action, but we still function FOR THE KIDS... and I was having trouble connecting.

The beautiful thing about serving, however, is that it gives your heart the opportunity to return to the right place. God graciously reminded me of the Genesis account of Rebecca's response to Abraham's servant - "May I water your camels also?" This isn't totally random; rather, it resounded in my heart that Rebecca didn't know that her actions would change many lives. Regardless of my feelings, I had to trust that God was at work though me. Was it an easy task for Rebecca to give all those camels water? Certainly not! Did she have to do it? No. She could have gone the easy route and continued with her happy little life without making the sacrifice of extra work. But she didn't choose what was easy - she chose what was good and right. She didn't know that those few words would change her life, but she said them anyway. So my heart kept saying, "May I water your camels also?" Not exactly the words and actions it wanted - but that it knew were good and right. And truly, by the time Thursday rolled around, I knew that I was at camp for the right reasons.

I also spent a bit of time catching up on Bible. I found myself reading in 1 Kings, where Solomon builds the temple. He finishes it, then all of Israel gathers and Solomon prays a to God and says many things. Two things stood out to me in the passage. One, that God is faithful in His promises and that we can and OUGHT to depend on Him to accomplish them. Two, Solomon mentions in his prayer to God that although it was David who wanted to build the temple, God used Solomon to do the actual building. David did indeed gather supplies for it and was a huge part of God's work in building it, but he didn't ever see it completed - Solomon did.

This is such a picture of what happens at camp "One plants, another waters, but it is God who causes the growth" and we may not know what part we got to play - but the fact is that God's word does not return void. He is at work in the lives of these campers though the staff. We may not get to see His work completed, but we can trust that we get to be part of it.

Seems like these always become much longer than I intend. I'll catch you up on week 2 next weekend.

Nighttime Reflections

I miss Hungary. I miss the liver paste on sandwiches, and Hungarian accents. I miss hearing people say "hello" when they ought to be saying "goodbye". I miss my dungeon. I miss peach juice. I miss tucking  the kids in; snuggling with Miriam, Benjamin's laugh, Oliver's dimples. I miss Melinda's wisdom and conversations, and Matt's easy-going nature. I miss those sweet times with Jesus in the evenings after all is quiet.

All that doesn't have very much to do with the rest of this post.

I wrote earlier this year that I wanted to learn to care only for God's opinion, resting fully in my identity in Him. In essence, I wanted to begin drawing my security solely from Christ. These things take time, but I think I am learning.

In Texas, for example, when the singles invited me to take part in their house group one evening, and all I did was put my foot in my mouth the whole time. God's answer to my frustration was quite clearly, Well, you're security isn't in your performance, dear -- your security is Me.

Then during the mission trip with the Ravencrest group, one of the guys made a passing comment about my personality that penetrated me much deeper than he meant it to. But Christy, your personality is not your security. I am.

There was an instance in Hungary when I got pretty angry and hurt (and self-righteous, too) about something that happened on a train - and the Lord simply reminded me, Dear heart, you are upset because you are drawing your security from the wrong things. I am your security. Rest in that.

Sometimes He has to remind me a lot, because I forget a lot. But I am glad to be learning to be secure in Christ.

This world pushes a lot of lies at us about how we ought to look and act. It is, in fact, very rare to find someone (especially us girls - why is that?) who is secure. It's even rarer to find a single woman who is secure. And of course, with summer coming, we're all criticizing our bodies and wishing we looked better in shorts. We're so insecure.

This is why those words, Christy, I am your security, resound so powerfully in my soul when they come from Christ. Suddenly all those things I mentioned are but dim shadows of yesterday. My fears and insecurities are eclipsed by the reality of His life. I cease striving to attain the world's flimsy standard. My soul breathes again. I trust Him. I am at rest.

My security is not my body,
Nor is it in performance;
It isn't in how much I know
Or speaking it with eloquence.
Security is not in morality;
Tis not sustained upon success;
Depends not how others respond,
Failure, what we possess.
My security is found alone in Thee;
For Thou art my Rock and my Salvation;
My deliverer and Fortress;
My Stronghold - I shall not be shaken.

The End... or is it?

My morning began when my eyelashes fluttered open and I became aware of the sunlight flooding my face. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, mooorning! My body felt wonderful, rested, ready to go. I rolled over and sat up.

Perhaps I always take a long time to get ready, or maybe I was just in vacation mode. Either way, it took me at least an hour and a half before I stepped out into the morning sunshine after a delicious breakfast of oatmeal and yogurt. Sunlight licked my face with its warm celestial kisses. Trees bowed gracefully along the road. I dawdled, like Red Riding Hood, and soaked in the golden day. Adam would grow impatient, yes - but we would probably read all day anyway, so I might as well get all the sun I could. I thought of Erica, how if she were here, she'd reprimand us and say, "You can't stay inside on a day like this! Come outside! You have to enjoy this sunshine!" Then I replayed memories from my time with Gemma, Alley and Erica, praying for each of them as I thought of them. Soon enough, I reached Adam's flat, and my morning walk ended.

Most of my mornings during my visit with Adam began thus. The morning walks were like those sweet notes from God - just to remind me how much He loves me. I cherished them.

There were a lot of firsts during my time visiting Adam. First time speaking at an English youth group; first time to read Harry Potter (the whole first five books); first time to have English fish & chips on the sea; first time to London. I guess we stayed pretty busy! The best part was, of course, just getting to spend time with an old friend. We reminisced about Ravencrest quite a bit.

The house I stayed at belonged to a lovely English couple - Sue and Gus - who were members of Adam's church. I stayed in a delightful room which would have been the servants quarters back in the day, and accessed the kitchen via the servant's stairway. My mind imagined all sorts of stories that might have occurred in that house. Sue and Gus themselves were delightful and hospitable. We had some sweet conversations during my stay. Jack (Sue's father) and I also got along swimmingly.

Only a few days into my stay, we discovered that Adam's car had serious issues and that he'd have to scrap it and get a new one. As you can imagine, this whole situation was a bit stressful for Adam. Finances are hard enough without car troubles. I kept telling Adam that God could provide and that he ought to just trust and not stress out. Not even a day later, I got word that some of my plans had fallen through and that I had to buy another plane ticket. Please understand that my dwindling supply of mercenary funds was feeling stricken already due to the $-£ exchange rate. Hence, this was not the best news in the world. I tried not to panic, and looked at plane tickets... but I didn't have much time, so I delayed buying one until the next day. This was a terrible mistake.

The next day the tickets had gone up about $50. I stressed out a bit. Adam noticed my increased stress level and chucked back a few of the things I had said to him - that all would be well, it was an opportunity to trust God, etc. And I knew he was right.

I did get tired of being stressed out, so that day I took a long walk on the beach (you could see it from Adam's porch). Lord, you say to cast all our cares upon You because You care for us. You also say to be anxious about nothing, but through prayer and supplication to bring our requests before You. So here I am with all these anxieties, and I choose to cast them upon You. My request is that you supply money for these next months, because I have none left. Thank You that I can depend upon You to care for me.

That was the turning point. Having presented my requests to God, my heart suddenly was free to begin thanking Him, even though my situation was still as miserable as before. That's the beauty of it. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." - Phil 4:6-7.

I bought my plane ticket later that day, and there was a sort of peace that came when I booked it. My bank account was practically empty. I knew then that it was really NOT in my control. It was up to God to take care of me, and I had every certainty that He would. After all, stranger things have happened. When I got back to my room that evening, I made a list of all the ways God has provided for me in the last few years. My mind at peace, I fell asleep thinking, I am so thankful that I'm in this place of utter dependence on Christ. I know it will not be easy, but I am excited to grow into the better woman that He is making me.

Adam is a youth leader at a Baptist church, so he let me help out with the youth groups a bit. At first I was told that I'd be talking about David and Goliath. This revved me up, because that passage is an ideal one for a Gospel presentation. A couple of days later, Adam informed me that I'd not be talking about David and Goliath, but about myself. You can well imagine how my face fell. I would much rather talk about Jesus. But since it was settled, I figured I could find a way to sneak the Gospel into it. I did talk about myself... For about twenty seconds, that is, haha. To be perfectly truthful, I used my life as illustration, the Gospel as the backdrop, and the Bible as the text... and although I was a bit nervous, I could see that there were definitely some youth who were really locked in on what I was saying.

After the groups were done, some of the leaders approached me and said, "That was good for them to hear. We aren't usually that forward with them, but we really hope it stirs some questions." But for what reason do we live, if not to share the Gospel?

A few days later, Adam and I went to London. It was gorgeous. The day was sunshiny and warm, and we picnicked outside Westminster Abbey. We walked all over the city, crossed several bridges, saw the tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park and many other things as well. There were so many people. As you walk through crowds, do you ever find yourself looking at the strangers around you and wondering what their lives are like? They all have histories and families and worries as well. I found myself doing that several times.

At one point we passed a man in a wheel chair. For some reason I had a strong impression that he was blind. A voice inside me shouted, Go! Talk to him! Pray for him! But I carried on. "I do not possess gold or silver, but what I do have I give to you." The story of the beggar in Acts 3 echoed in my head. I continued still. I still wonder what would have happened if I'd just obeyed.

The next day a lovely couple (Adam's friends) drove me to the airport in London. We talked about Christ the entire way down, which was wonderfully encouraging. All went well with security and the airport, and I was soon on my plane. I journaled for much of the trip back, and stayed awake the whole flight. As my plane landed in LAX, my mind tried to register that my international travels, for the time being, were over.

Ah, but this is just the beginning. That's the beauty of it. Regardless of past successes or failures, I have the rest of my life to make myself available to all that Christ makes available to me!

This is going to be tremendous!

All fairest beauty, heavenly and earthly,

Wondrously, Jesus, is found in Thee;

None can be nearer, fairer or dearer,

Than Thou, my Savior, art to me.

Golden Days

Oh the air is full of singing

The fields are full of fruit

With a song that is not a name

The leaves are falling too

Songs so high they can’t be played

I know I don’t have to say

Look around you

It’s a golden day

-          The Blackthorn Project

I have had a month of golden days, truthfully. When I arrived in England, the whole land was bursting into springtime. The air was full of light scents of blossoms; playful breezes darted here and there; every hollow brimmed over with the sound of birds in song.

The best part, as with every country I have visited, was being reunited with old friends. It was a delight to see Gemma again. Actually, it felt like just... normal... to be there. I mean ‘normal’ in the sense that we both adjusted as if I just belonged there. We spent some time catching up, and Gemma acted as a wonderful tour guide of north England. We spent many days driving to the surrounding area – to Bakewell, where we picked up a Bakewell pudding (twas delicious!); to Castleton, where we climbed all sorts of hills and probably broke a few laws with all our scampering about the hills and fields; to Lake Windermere in the Lake District, where we walked for a couple hours to find a bookshop that ended up being closed; to Capernwray Hall, where Torchbearers began... you see how many adventures we had?

Journal entry from April 20^th:

My time here has been interesting to observe. When we are busy, we are actually VERY busy (and outside a LOT)... and when we’re not busy, we’re very lazy. The TV and I have declared war on each other, and it got the best of me for a few days. I am rubbish at ignoring it, and I can’t sit in the living room without someone coming and turning it on. I am determined to be creative while I am here, and the TV simply sucks my creativity dry. Suddenly I feel lethargic and uninspired; my ideas grow wings and fly out the window; then I pick up my computer and click on Facebook, and the next thing I know, the day is gone, I haven’t walked or written or imagined – I’ve just sat in front of the Tele and Facebooked all day long. It’s a rubbish way to spend a day. Plus, after a day like that, I feel fat as a hog.

The days were gorgeous. Constant sunshine! Who would’ve thought that I’d be in England the one time when it’s possible to get a tan! Fortunately, I eventually learned how to fight the TV, and Gemma’s housemate, Erica, wouldn’t let me waste my time inside. J I often walked in Graves Park during the day. It was just down the road. Otherwise, Erica dragged me outside into the garden, “Christy, come outside! We want to see you! Don’t waste your time inside!” (Thank you, Erica. I spent SO much more time outside than I would have without you.)

I did indeed watch the Royal wedding. I thought it would be silly to be in England for such an historic event and not watch it! Then for Easter weekend, Gemma and I visited her family, went to Capernwray Hall to spend a night (thanks to Mrs. T for getting us a room!), and visited Lake Windermere the next day. Then we spent a night at Adam’s house and headed back. It was definitely good to see Adam after three years. We played Dutch Blitz and it almost felt like old times. It felt so normal to have Adam and Gemma and I all together. Even though they were at RC different years, there is some sort of link in my mind that insists that all RCers OUGHT to know each other. It actually feels quite strange to me when RCers don’t know each other.

Gemma’s housemates were all lovely. Alley explained to me how incredible the burping process is (I have thought of her every time I’ve burped since) and I loved Erica from the get go (who else would have shared their bed with a complete stranger?). Ruth from Oregon works at The Oakes and does not live at the house, but we saw her lots and I adore her. It is such an encouragement to meet a woman who is delighted with her single status. That’s quite rare, and very valuable. Also, Dora from Hungary stole her way into my heart (it wasn’t hard – she’s delightful) and Jenni from America made her way in as well. What an encouragement to meet other Christ-followers who are intent on knowing Him more! There was also Dave from Liverpool (who stole my hoodie and nearly kept it), and Ben – Alley’s boyfriend (most of our conversations turned into arguments, but it was all in good fun), and a whole bunch of Johns and Matts who added to the general wonderfulness of the atmosphere. Many of us watched the first three seasons of The Office during my last week there.

Overall, I was blessed so much to see Gemma and meet her friends and housemates. I learned and was encouraged by my time there, and spent hours upon hours getting headaches in the sun (but it was all worth it). I miss Gemma so much, but look forward to seeing her again next year when she comes to visit me! J Yay!

Meet the Family!

Well, I've got to catch up and tell about my time in England, so I will cover the rest of my time in Hungary as promptly as possible. Tonight my goal is to introduce the family.

My first weekend with the family, we went bowling. The boys had a different technique than any I've yet seen.

The amazing part is that it worked!

Really, take note! This is a good way to do it!

Miriam!

Benjamin and Oliver

Just look at those eyes!

Gotta love watching boys do daring things... like climbing walls everywhere. :)

Fun times!

A good afternoon with Mom and Dad in the ice cream shop. :)

A sweet moment captured on camera. :)

Matt, Melinda and the kids are a wonderful family and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to spend some extra time with them. The kids are well behaved and sweet, and just as human as anyone else. We all had our tired moments, but overall I'd say that my time with the family was most encouraging and positive.

One last tidbit! Matt and Melinda have needed a van for some time now, and Matt wanted me to write a little poem regarding this need. The idea was that they would send it out in their next newsletter. Well, I wrote the poem (below), and within two or three days, they had all the money that they needed for a van! The amazing thing is that they never even sent my poem out! :) So God really provided another way. But here is the poem, and really, if it is on your heart to support the Edwards family, give me your email address and I will get you in touch. I know they would appreciate it, and you would get to be a part of the ministry in Hungary!

Now for the poem! :)

A Van for the Edwards'

Let me tell you a story

Of the days of glory

When my team came to Hungary.

We were thrilled to be part

Of God's work in the heart

Of this European coun-tr-y.

Though our time here went well

I would like to just tell

How everything worked in the plan.

We held English class;

It was good, but alas,

It was far and we hadn't a van.

There were twenty of us

And only zero of bus,

So imagine our absolute dread

When we had to go walk

Four hundred blocks

With no option to drive there instead!

The next day was no better,

When, thanks to the weather

We found ourselves running through snow.

We weren't sure we'd survive,

But we did finally arrive

With our faces all red and aglow.

We stayed for some days,

And never ceased to amaze

Ourselves at the distance we ran.

For myself, I've stayed longer

And my legs have grown stronger;

For we still haven't got any van!

Dear friends, I confess

I have tried to impress

And have told you some things that aren't true.

I do not really relish

How much I embellished,

But really - if only you knew;

The Edwards' are great

And it isn't too late

To help them however you can.

So may I suggest

That they'd be very blessed

If they only had some kind of van.

Darkness in Hungary

Hungary.

As the train made its way into Tatabánya my eyes caught sight of many landmarks from last year. The cave up on the hill, for example. The old mining tower. And the bird.

The bird sits up on the hill above Tatabánya and seems to set the tone for the deep darkness that resides in the city. The legend goes that a bird (like the statue) impregnated a girl who had a son that ended up being the father of the Hungarian people. The city that this statue looks over is filled with witchcraft and all sorts of darkness. Hungary itself is perhaps 3% evangelical Christian, and that is a very generous estimate. But regardless of how lost and dark Hungary is, we do not belong to darkness or night. We are children of light and the Light of the World abides within us. We recognized this in many ways during our time there, and as I mentioned in my last blog, I was very grateful for the relationships that the Lord developed among us girls whilst we were yet in Italy and Austria. It created a solid foundation for what we faced in Hungary.

I had the chance several times to talk with a lady whose husband passed away a year and a half ago. She has two children. Her current boyfriend is manipulative and controlling.

There is a beautiful girl of fifteen at the church. She is mature and smart and has a pure and lovely heart. She moved with her mother to Hungary when she was ten. Her mother has withdrawn from her life, and her father is completely absent. There is a lot of hurt there.

A girl I remembered from last year talked to me this year about where her heart is. She believes in God, but also in a lot of other things, and her mother is into a lot of new age spiritualism.

There is another girl from last year who I spent time with this year. She is aching and striving for approval from her mother, but cannot gain it.

We kicked off our time in Hungary by accidentally leaving one of the girls on the train. Yes, that's right. Rachel was asleep in the middle of the train-car, and the rest of the team was split between the two ends of the car. So when we got off, everyone got off their end of the car and nobody passed Rachel! Fortunately she is pretty savvy about those things, so she did the right thing and simply got on a train back to Tatabánya when she woke up.

The team walked to Matt and Melinda Edwards' house and before long we were all supping on delicious Hungarian goulash. What a welcome! Then we discussed plans for the week and headed to the "hotel" for sleep. You must understand that this hotel is not exactly the Ritz. But it was the same one that we used last year, so I knew what to expect. I think that some of the others on the team were a bit surprised. It's the kind of place where you never actually feel clean. Part of that is due to the place itself - it's a place you would NOT take your family for a holiday. Another part of it is the ever-present smell of cigarette smoke. This smell actually became quite familiar to me in Hungary, because just about everyone smokes - inside and outside. I think, though, that some of the girls were pretty nervous about things other than the filth. There were a couple of disconcerting instances with the other guys in the building (Hungarians) which caused us to start doing things in groups. Perhaps we overreacted to small things, but it never hurts to be on the safe side.

A teacher at one of the schools shared with me last year about her past in the Catholic church. I prayed then that she might find Christ in the place of religion. This year she invited me to spend more time with her and we talked for a while before the class started. She was very open and honest about where she was at, and I pray that she may yet find comfort in a relationship with the Living God.

There is a girl whom I believe has a real relationship with Jesus Christ. She prays and reads her Bible, and from our conversation seems to take her faith seriously. She is the only girl that I have met (besides the ones at the church) who looks as if she has a real relationship with Christ. Please pray for her growth.

Another girl has a lovely heart and is dear and friendly. I do not know her well. I only know she wants love and recognizes it in us.

I had the honor of sharing a room with Jacque, Mauri and Becky. We laughed for a while, then headed to bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. Only a couple of hours later I awoke to some screams and a lot of crying. Although the girls explained things later, I didn't have to hear the explanation to know what was going on. There was a lot of spiritual attack happening, and the girls were freaking out a bit. I have experienced this type of attack more than I like, and I know the fear it can bring. But for some reason my heart was completely assured in Christ, and I held no fear at all. We ended up praying and reading Scripture for an hour or two; so it was a rough night, but much good came of it, and we saw God use it in a huge way to reassure our hearts and to bond us together in Himself as a room. After we all prayed, Mauri read Psalm 139 aloud to us. "If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night'; even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright day. Darkness and light are alike to You... when I awake, I am still with You"

The neat thing was that we continued to pray together each night for the rest of the week. Usually Jacque and I were the last ones in bed, but it became a sweet time. We would settle into our beds, turn out the light, and take turns praying and thanking God for all that He was doing.

I visited a girl down the road to help her practice her English. I believe she speaks very well, but she is very self-conscious and fearful of mistakes. We did play piano together, which was a wonderful ice-breaker; she plays beautifully. She wants to go to America for the summer to practice her English, but she is only 16 and all of the places she could volunteer want 18-year-olds. I would love to find her a family to visit who would let her help around the house. I think that one with younger children would be ideal, since she is so shy. It would break through the ice more quickly. I would love to find her an opportunity; especially a place with a great Christian family.

After spending all week teaching English classes in the schools and organizing English clubs, it was pretty heart-rending to say good-bye to the Ravencrest team. I grew to know and love each one better over the short duration of the trip... I can't even tell you how hard it was to say good-bye. Actually, good-byes don't usually impact me a whole lot. I mean, yeah, they're hard - but I don't cry and I don't feel super sad. This one was a bit different. After saying good-bye to the team, I went home to the Edwards family and retired to my room pretty quickly. I was emotionally drained, yet refreshed by the love of the saints, and thankful for every moment I had with them. But I still laid for a long time and shed some tears while I reflected on the week and sweet times with the team. No more praying with Jacque before bed. No more talks with Kate or Mauri, or the other dear girls.

God is working in the life of one Hungarian girl I know. I had the great privilege to hear some of this friend's struggles, and to share how God healed me from similar hurts. She called one night and told me, "I didn't realize I was in such a dark place, but God is healing me as well. Thank you for sharing those things that you did." Talk about being humbled; I said nothing except the words that the Lord gave me. I was the smallest part of what happened, and this girl gained from it. That means that God spoke instead. I rest in that.

I only really know one Hungarian boy. He used to be a druggie, but he started hanging out with Christians and following Jesus a few years ago. His life has changed drastically, but now there are many new struggles. Please pray for him and for the rest of the people on this list.

My next weeks filled up quick as anything, and I will blog about them soon. I know that this post was a pretty different format from anything I've done so far, but I didn't know how else to share the relational depth along with the events that happened during the RC team week.

Pray for Hungary. There are a lot of lost people. And pray for the Christians in Hungary, that their hearts will be encouraged; that they will be bold in sharing their faith; that God will send more workers for the harvest. 

Please. Pray for Hungary.