Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Nighttime Reflections

I miss Hungary. I miss the liver paste on sandwiches, and Hungarian accents. I miss hearing people say "hello" when they ought to be saying "goodbye". I miss my dungeon. I miss peach juice. I miss tucking  the kids in; snuggling with Miriam, Benjamin's laugh, Oliver's dimples. I miss Melinda's wisdom and conversations, and Matt's easy-going nature. I miss those sweet times with Jesus in the evenings after all is quiet.

All that doesn't have very much to do with the rest of this post.

I wrote earlier this year that I wanted to learn to care only for God's opinion, resting fully in my identity in Him. In essence, I wanted to begin drawing my security solely from Christ. These things take time, but I think I am learning.

In Texas, for example, when the singles invited me to take part in their house group one evening, and all I did was put my foot in my mouth the whole time. God's answer to my frustration was quite clearly, Well, you're security isn't in your performance, dear -- your security is Me.

Then during the mission trip with the Ravencrest group, one of the guys made a passing comment about my personality that penetrated me much deeper than he meant it to. But Christy, your personality is not your security. I am.

There was an instance in Hungary when I got pretty angry and hurt (and self-righteous, too) about something that happened on a train - and the Lord simply reminded me, Dear heart, you are upset because you are drawing your security from the wrong things. I am your security. Rest in that.

Sometimes He has to remind me a lot, because I forget a lot. But I am glad to be learning to be secure in Christ.

This world pushes a lot of lies at us about how we ought to look and act. It is, in fact, very rare to find someone (especially us girls - why is that?) who is secure. It's even rarer to find a single woman who is secure. And of course, with summer coming, we're all criticizing our bodies and wishing we looked better in shorts. We're so insecure.

This is why those words, Christy, I am your security, resound so powerfully in my soul when they come from Christ. Suddenly all those things I mentioned are but dim shadows of yesterday. My fears and insecurities are eclipsed by the reality of His life. I cease striving to attain the world's flimsy standard. My soul breathes again. I trust Him. I am at rest.

My security is not my body,
Nor is it in performance;
It isn't in how much I know
Or speaking it with eloquence.
Security is not in morality;
Tis not sustained upon success;
Depends not how others respond,
Failure, what we possess.
My security is found alone in Thee;
For Thou art my Rock and my Salvation;
My deliverer and Fortress;
My Stronghold - I shall not be shaken.

2 comments:

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  2. So I can't believe I haven't read your blog all this time....I love reading your posts! This is so good, and a great reminder! So cool to see how God is working in others' lives :-)
    Btw...HI haha. It's been so long! Hope you are doing well :-)

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