Golden Hour

I wrote this while driving from A-town to SJ a couple weeks ago. I plan to take it apart and put it in a story sometime, but until then, here is the raw picture. :)


Endless vineyards at golden hour
Hills rising out of the whole horizon
Great thunderclouds lined up and marching inland
Like a fleet of warships
The sun standing on the westernmost sky
Boldly
Shadows casting themselves upon the hills
Which are yet half-golden
Columns of Eucalyptus trees
Leaning their own shadows over highways
The sun pouring himself warmly
Across the setting countryside
And that certain glow
That comes over the whole world
When it sets

The Bright Side

Last week was really awful. I won't go into detail - you'll just have to believe me. Truly, it was one of the worst weeks I've had all year. Pretty much everything fell apart, broke, didn't go as planned or just plain failed. It was pretty bad.

What I usually do when I have bad days or weeks like that, is try to imagine how much worse it could be. For example, my car broke down right when I needed it the most and I had to rent a car to drive to San Jose for the weekend. So to help myself see the bright side, I tried to think of how it could be worse.


Well, the rental place could have charged me twice as much for being under 25, but they didn't... and at least they had a car available on short notice. And even if my power steering doesn't work on my car,  at least the engine is still sort of running... and it got me back home last weekend, which is a real bonus, because it could have stopped working on the road...


So it takes a bit of creativity, but there is always a way things could be worse - and once you think of those things, your current troubles don't seem quite so bad.

Also, I think God uses the bad weeks to teach us to trust in Him. Things will go wrong in our lives, so it is silly for us to draw our security from our circumstances. But we do anyway, right? What if, instead of drawing our security from our circumstances, we drew our security from Christ? Can you imagine how that would change our reactions to unplanned events in our lives? But I am convinced that God faithfully uses these unplanned events in my own life to show me what is truly important, and to teach me thankfulness.

Every weekend when driving to and from San Jose, I have passed a farm that has great reminders posted up for drivers. When passing the farm, you can see some hand-made signs that say, "Trust Jesus". That is all. And each time I pass them, I am reminded of the only really important thing in life - that I am surrendered to HIM. This week it was a particularly good reminder, because of all that had happened.

Really, even the worst of weeks can be turned into good weeks if we are willing to trust in the One who is in control of our circumstances - namely, Jesus Christ.

My Last Week with Candi Smith :)

On Sunday the 16th Candi and Jordan and I went off-roading in Jordan's Samurai... of course, it doesn't have registration so the off-roading consisted of driving around in Jordan's front yard. :)

The next day Candi I and woke up BRIGHT and early and got ready to spearfish with Jordan. I was apprehensive. Candi expressed several times that Jordan loves this, and that she wanted to love it and do it with him. That was inspiring to me. We met up with Jordan and the Denkers (Ryan and his dad) and loaded up the boat, then drove down to Santa Barbara. Candi and I had never been on a boat in the ocean before, so we had no idea if we would get seasick, but we didn't, even the water was SUPER choppy.

The island was lovely and rocky. Candi and I got into our wetsuits and jumped in, and both swam around for a while and saw some cool things in the water. Candi evenutally got really, really cold. I was afraid she'd catch hypothermia, and Mr. Denker told us to get her into dry clothes so she could warm up. So we did, and finally she got a little warmer. But seriously, for a few minutes there I was thinking how awful it would be if Candi died a few days before her wedding... and I knew I would never forgive myself if something happened to her and I could have prevented it. So I was glad to help her get her wetsuit off and get dry and warm. When we were done we ate some nasty chicken from Vons that had not been refrigerated for the last seven hours. More on this later.

The ride back to the harbor was just as choppy and bumpy as ever. But when Candi and I looked back, the island was enshrouded with bright sunshine and mist. The heavy clouds opened just enough to let the sun make the island a golden glow. We got back to the mainland, got dry, got in the car, headed home... and that's when it all went down. I started feeling horribly ill, and after hours we fiiiiinally got home. I was feeling a bit better when I got to Ann and Darren's, so I went to sleep. Then, to make a gross story short, I woke up later in the night and eventually felt much better due to my stomach's natural and God-given method of dealing with food-poisoning from that nasty chicken. Then Candi woke up and was seriously bummed out because her stomach felt awful as well, and she was REALLY tired and wanted sleep because the wedding was coming. I felt bad for her, but we essentially had one last bit of sister bonding time with shared food-poisoning! It was horrible, and yet strangely endearing, hahaha.

While being sick together we:

Read the Bible together

Talked about our shared symptoms

Were extremely generous in sharing the toilet when the other needed it

Read quite a bit more in An Old Fashioned Girl

Enjoyed wholesome and sweet sister bonding time

Prayed with each other

Sucked on peppermint together

Ate Saltine crackers very slowly

Drank a lot of ginger tea

Generally just enjoyed each other's company and loved on each other

For Candi's bachellorette party on Thursday we had a girls' night in. Elizabeth made an incredible pesto, and Rochelle (fellow bridesmaid and former Ravencrester) and I made a lovely salad. It was pretty awesome. 

Friday morning all of us girls went to get our nails done. I ended up not having mine done. Instead I went next door to the tables outside of Starbucks and Rochelle painted my fingernails. We were in the middle of a really good conversation when a guy who was definitely high on something pulled up to Starbucks. He was shirtless, and struggling to get one on (seriously struggling - like the whole five minutes he was there) and saw Rochelle and I. He started saying weird things, and we ignored him at first. But when he said, "Ooooooooh, nails! Can I see?" I just told him flat out, "No, you can't." and he walked away commenting on how he must have creeped us out. Rochelle and I exchanged half-amused smirks and kept on with the nail painting.

After a minute the high guy came out again and started asking us what in particular about him was creepy. Finally I turned to him and said, "Look dude.... we just have REALLY HIGH standards." 

He started back-peddling, "I didn't even mean it that way, I'm actually married," (he had a ring anyway,) "You aren't even my type... in fact, you're both kind of ugly. Yeah, you're ugly!" 

Rochelle and I just stared at each other with suppressed laughter and did our best to not snort too loudly. We immediately started whispering:

"Oh my goodness! We're ugly!"

"That's our problem! That's why we're still single!"

"Hahaha! Maybe we should have acted devastated."

"What would he have done if we'd burst out crying?"

I'm glad that Ro and I were there to support one another in our ugliness. :P I will always remember that day. You just don't forget that kind of thing. Hahahaha!

That night was the rehearsal dinner. We had chicken. I had a tiny bit. Candi didn't have any. :D Both of us shared a slight aversion to chicken after our food poisoning. When the dinner was all done, Ro and I went to Ann and Darren's and tucked Candi in (after many last minute wedding preparations). We massaged her back and feet and prayed for her, and made her promise to go right to sleep. :)

The next morning all of us bridesmaids met up at the location and were shown to our room. We were soooo spoiled. There were cold water bottles in ice, and tea and coffee, and everything else we could have wanted. We all did our make-up and hair and finally got into our dresses. At one point we heard a loud noise and looked out our window to discover that two of the groomsmen had just arrived in their tuxes.... on their motorcycles. That gave us a good laugh.

Candi arrived from her hair appointment and seriously could have gotten married right then. Her hair was perfect. She was wearing a tiara... and yoga pants, lol. She didn't have make-up on, but she didn't even need it. She looked amazing. We all tried to convince her to just marry Jordan as she was, but she decided that since she'd gotten a dress, she might as well wear it.

Finally we were all dressed and ready, and from there the day kind of just flew by. We went down to do pictures (Candi and I did a special one together with barfing faces... just to commemorate the food poisoning incident), and before I knew it I was watching Candi walk down the aisle. She and Jordan exchanged their beautiful vows, and Candi looked like a fairy tale princess. I couldn't stop smiling when I looked at her. Then the wedding was done, the reception was in full swing, and what with conversations with friends, cake cutting, and finally toasting the happy couple, I feel like those hours just slipped through my fingers. Before I knew it, they drove away.

I was fortunate in that I got to deliver Candi's jewelry that she left behind - so I did see them one last time before they left for their honeymoon. I didn't want the celebration to end, but by the time I hit the pillow that night, I was utterly exhausted - emotionally and physically - and that is probably the reason for the very long cry that ensued. But I thanked Jesus for giving me Candi as a sister, and now Jordan as a brother. And when I was done I fell into a deep and restful slumber.

That was my last week with Candi Smith... but many adventures with Jordan and Candi Van Horn will follow, I am sure. :) Hopefully there will be pictures to come!

Right in My Eyes

In the book of Judges it says: "In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes." (Judges 17:6; 21:25) This is an attitude I have noticed in people quite a lot recently. But the more I recognize it in others, the more excruciatingly vivid it becomes in my own attitude. I am guilty of thinking I'm always right... or at least that I always have the right intentions.

My friend Shiloh actually brought this to my attention a few months ago. I was presenting how I really find myself to be an interesting person (though this may be vain, it IS true), and Shiloh made the comment, "Well, every man is right in his own eyes, according to the Bible." I admit that I felt a bit surprised - I was rather expecting something like, "But Christy, you ARE incredibly interesting!" Hahaha. But that was the start of all my thoughts on this, so I'm grateful for his words.

The truth is, Shiloh is correct. Each man is right in his own eyes. It says in Proverbs, "The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but he who listens to counsel is wise." (Prov 12:15) and again, "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart)." (Prov 16:2)

We all give preference to ourselves. When we hurt others we know it wasn't intentional... or even if it was, they deserved it because they hurt us first. Our actions are right to us. We excuse thoughts that others would find offensive. We dismiss hurtful comments because we didn't intend them to come out that way. We pardon our actions because they came out of misunderstanding (if we had been informed, we would never have done that!). In the beginning of his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shows that even the worst of criminals believe themselves innocent!

I suppose another thing that made me notice this in myself was the privilege of observing the same attitude in certain campers while I counseled one week this summer. During and after that week of camp, I noticed that every time something irritating happened, even if it was my fault, I immediately started making excuses for myself. I'm so tired. I haven't had a moment to myself all summer. Well I have to shower SOMETIME. She knows I hate it when she says that. They could have at least TOLD me that they were offended! Why are we so much readier to extend grace to ourselves than to others?

Thankfully, I did notice this ugly selfish regard for myself. So when I found myself justifying something, I stopped myself and set myself straight, and within a minute I was justifying myself about something else. You'd think I was hopeless. Thank God for His indwelling life; His very Spirit to lead me in the way I should walk!

The whole thing reminds me of a song called The Problem by Downhere (my all-time favorite band):

There's got to be some reason for all this misery

Some secret evil corporation somewhere overseas

They're pulling strings arranging things

It's a conspiracy!

Or what about the ones who shaped the course of history?

What if we petitioned for one grand apology?

I'll write to my prime minister -

You write your president!

Everybody's wondering how the world could get this way

If God is good, and how it could be filled with so much pain

It's not the age-old mystery we've made it out to be

Yeah there's a problem with the world

The problem with the world is me

Some will say the devil and his legions

Have put us in a headlock of submission

But they lost all power over me

A long, long time ago

And since I was a kid you know I've caused a lot of hurt

No-one ever taught me how to put myself first

It came so very naturally

I'm not a prodigy

So I will look no further than the mirror

That's where the great offender hides

So great is my need for a redeemer

That I cannot trust myself

No, I cannot trust myself

I dare not trust myself

So I trust in Someone else

The sooner you can sing along

The sooner you can sing this song

The happier you'll be

The problem with the world is me.

I especially love the second verse because it is so revealing of life apart from Christ. It's not like we need to WORK at being selfish. It comes naturally. The problem isn't an outside force - it's me.

Our world is so ready to help us blame others. Just listen to the media, or psychology, or your friends. Ironically, if everyone blames everyone, it's still everyone's fault. So let's own up. Let's be true men and women instead of mere shadows. Let's take responsibility for that which belongs to us - specifically, our own thoughts, intents and actions.

In my own life this means taking the blame when I'd rather not, turning the other cheek, giving preference to others and considering their needs as more important than my own. It cannot hurt me; "it only hurts my pride, and I do not owe my pride anything" (MacDonald). I am ready to be a true woman - one who gives instead of takes; one who serves instead of demands; one who loves truly and lives uprightly.

"For through the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think so as to have sound judgment..." Romans 12:3a

Up for Some Air

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels a bit pounded by the waves and tides of life. There must be others who long for a moment all by themselves to collect those scattered thoughts so as to process, file and store them neatly away.

Honestly, this has got to be short because I am really exhausted; but I have to say that the last few days have been some of the most relaxing, amazing days ever. I read books all day long yesterday. Today I accomplished a couple things, read some more, skyped a bit, made some banana bread.... this is really the life! But I think I enjoy it ten times more because I haven't had a single moment to myself all summer long. I'm glad that's how it works. :)

To all of my readers: I hope you find a few spare moments in these next few days to contemplate eternity and life, and to sort those thoughts that need sorting. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing.

My Best Friend :)

My third sister is about to get married, and as with all new stages of life, things will change a little bit. :) But Candi will always be my best friend - even if we won't see each other quite as much as before! We talked about that this morning and agreed that we need to spend plenty of time together before the wedding, and plenty of time on the phone after. :)


Late nights, long talks,
Endless vows to take walks -
No follow through,
But I was with you;
I miss my best friend.

Long days, late drives,
Rare were good-byes
I left and returned
I finally learned
I missed my best friend

Time gone, so fast,
What was then has passed
We've grown up now
You're saying vows
I miss my best friend

Though wrong; I'm sad,
The days we had
Were always good
So misunderstood
I miss my best friend

The chapter ends,
The book is done;
The prince arrived,
The princess won;
This reader is still looking on,
Watching till the pair is gone.
A sigh, a pang, a breath of air,
The people slowly leave her there.
It's lovely, also bittersweet;
Alone, just fine, but she must think
Now that they are at the end
She misses her best friend.

My Last Night of 22

I love growing up. Life is so full and rich!

April's spilling,

Days are filling,

Summer's here,

But Spring's appeared

In all the flowers

Of the season

Which committed

Such a treason;

By sneaking in

Unforeseen...

So we'll explain

Why they are all here again - 

It's really quite appalling!

The day is tinting summer's flavor

With warmth that we long to savor.

Won't you be more than a guest?

Stay a little longer yet?

Thank you, but it's not to be;

The sun will work its ripening,

The blossoms fall, the fruit appear;

Just as it must this time of year.

You sow in trust, in faith you reap;

If God says "give," 'tis loss to keep.

Summer days so swiftly flown,

And still half summer yet to go!

So close to growing up I've been,

Still such a little child I am;

Sometimes in fear I give a smirk,

Pretending that the age that lurks

Just around the corner

Is something I can scorn!

But when I'm most honest with me

I do not even care to flee - 

Instead I'll take it in my stride,

Savor it with all my might -

And smile as I get older.

Yes, I'm watching me get older.

:)