My Best Friend :)

My third sister is about to get married, and as with all new stages of life, things will change a little bit. :) But Candi will always be my best friend - even if we won't see each other quite as much as before! We talked about that this morning and agreed that we need to spend plenty of time together before the wedding, and plenty of time on the phone after. :)


Late nights, long talks,
Endless vows to take walks -
No follow through,
But I was with you;
I miss my best friend.

Long days, late drives,
Rare were good-byes
I left and returned
I finally learned
I missed my best friend

Time gone, so fast,
What was then has passed
We've grown up now
You're saying vows
I miss my best friend

Though wrong; I'm sad,
The days we had
Were always good
So misunderstood
I miss my best friend

The chapter ends,
The book is done;
The prince arrived,
The princess won;
This reader is still looking on,
Watching till the pair is gone.
A sigh, a pang, a breath of air,
The people slowly leave her there.
It's lovely, also bittersweet;
Alone, just fine, but she must think
Now that they are at the end
She misses her best friend.

My Last Night of 22

I love growing up. Life is so full and rich!

April's spilling,

Days are filling,

Summer's here,

But Spring's appeared

In all the flowers

Of the season

Which committed

Such a treason;

By sneaking in

Unforeseen...

So we'll explain

Why they are all here again - 

It's really quite appalling!

The day is tinting summer's flavor

With warmth that we long to savor.

Won't you be more than a guest?

Stay a little longer yet?

Thank you, but it's not to be;

The sun will work its ripening,

The blossoms fall, the fruit appear;

Just as it must this time of year.

You sow in trust, in faith you reap;

If God says "give," 'tis loss to keep.

Summer days so swiftly flown,

And still half summer yet to go!

So close to growing up I've been,

Still such a little child I am;

Sometimes in fear I give a smirk,

Pretending that the age that lurks

Just around the corner

Is something I can scorn!

But when I'm most honest with me

I do not even care to flee - 

Instead I'll take it in my stride,

Savor it with all my might -

And smile as I get older.

Yes, I'm watching me get older.

:)

Lovely Incapability

If you want to get to the meat of the blog, you can skip the life highlights, but for those of you who are interested....

Recent Life Highlights:

My dear friend Claire arrived on July 3. She did the last two weeks of camp with me and seemed to enjoy it pretty tremendously! The other staff and campers also enjoyed her (that was no surprise to me)!

My sister Candi is now engaged to Jordan! :)

Strawberries are in season. :)

I very likely have a place to move into in October!

I plan to take a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course in September. Still praying about money on that one! :)

Last week I counseled at camp. Counseling is not my strong point. I did it twice before in the ten summers I volunteered at camp. But honestly, I was never the counselor type. 

Due to the aforementioned, you may imagine that I was a bit apprehensive before counseling at camp last week. I had a talk with God beforehand and essentially put it all on Him. "Well, Lord, you know that this is not my strength. But I know that it is Your strength. These are Your children, and I believe You will teach them. So Lord, I look forward to seeing You at work as I make myself available to You. Thank You for what You will teach Your children."

The truth is that God gave me a lot of wisdom during the week. I had no real devotional plan outlined when I arrived at camp on Sunday night. But each devotion was planned, thought out, and understandable - even though for some I had about ten minutes of prep time. The girls in my cabin all seemed to grasp what we talked about each morning and evening, and their questions and answers were deep. There were no real issues in the cabin, but even in the small things, God gave me tremendous wisdom. I have always struggled to know when to be firm or strict, and when to laugh and not make a big deal of things. My typical pattern has been that I always do the wrong one. But this week I knew. Not because I suddenly figured out the perfect way to make a child obey, but simply because God gave me wisdom. It was a GOOD week.

I so appreciate the times when I know without doubt that I am inadequate and that running away is not an option. It creates opportunity to walk forward in complete reliance on Jesus to live His life. That is, of course, exactly how it OUGHT to be. We were never intended to live the Christian life. Rather, we are to know our inadequacy to live this life, and rest in the fullness of truth that Christ lives it perfectly as we trust Him to do so. It's a beautiful thing.

I look forward to the next time when I know without a doubt that I am inadequate. I hope it's tomorrow! Why? Because I love seeing Christianity lived by the only One capable of living it - by Christ Jesus Himself.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

Lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Week 1

I love the smell of sulfur. Kind of weird, yes - but before you judge me, I must tell you why. I love that smell because it is the smell of camp. The water at camp has very high levels of sulfur, so every year when I arrive, I breathe in that nasty smell, and a flood of sweet memories come flooding into my brain. It's a beautiful thing.

Camp is that place where big things always happened. Everything sort of came together there. In fact, I'm thinking this moment of the year when I fought with Candi alllllllll the time, and after getting back from camp, realized that I was the one in the wrong all those times. Camp was the place I accepted Jesus as my King and Savior. Camp is where I surrendered Bible School to God after clutching onto it for so long.

I got the opportunity to serve at camp again this year. That good ol' smell of sulfur greeted me as I stepped out of the car. The levels are high this year, so it smells like I'm showering in rotten eggs. Bah - I don't mind. :) It's the smell of camp! Anyway, my job the first week was hostess. That does not mean I seated the campers when they came in for dinner. It meant that I was in charge of a crew of seven kitchen helpers. They did the work, I made sure it got done. Sounds easy, but it's plenty of work, believe me.

There is a lot to say about camp, and I see that I've already given you four paragraphs that have not a whole lot to do with what I want to say. So here goes. This year, I didn't feel like I really cared that I was at camp. Oh sure, it was great to be here, but I didn't feel like spending time with the kids. I didn't feel like talking to them or hanging out with them or learning their names. Granted, the kitchen is a bit removed from all the action, but we still function FOR THE KIDS... and I was having trouble connecting.

The beautiful thing about serving, however, is that it gives your heart the opportunity to return to the right place. God graciously reminded me of the Genesis account of Rebecca's response to Abraham's servant - "May I water your camels also?" This isn't totally random; rather, it resounded in my heart that Rebecca didn't know that her actions would change many lives. Regardless of my feelings, I had to trust that God was at work though me. Was it an easy task for Rebecca to give all those camels water? Certainly not! Did she have to do it? No. She could have gone the easy route and continued with her happy little life without making the sacrifice of extra work. But she didn't choose what was easy - she chose what was good and right. She didn't know that those few words would change her life, but she said them anyway. So my heart kept saying, "May I water your camels also?" Not exactly the words and actions it wanted - but that it knew were good and right. And truly, by the time Thursday rolled around, I knew that I was at camp for the right reasons.

I also spent a bit of time catching up on Bible. I found myself reading in 1 Kings, where Solomon builds the temple. He finishes it, then all of Israel gathers and Solomon prays a to God and says many things. Two things stood out to me in the passage. One, that God is faithful in His promises and that we can and OUGHT to depend on Him to accomplish them. Two, Solomon mentions in his prayer to God that although it was David who wanted to build the temple, God used Solomon to do the actual building. David did indeed gather supplies for it and was a huge part of God's work in building it, but he didn't ever see it completed - Solomon did.

This is such a picture of what happens at camp "One plants, another waters, but it is God who causes the growth" and we may not know what part we got to play - but the fact is that God's word does not return void. He is at work in the lives of these campers though the staff. We may not get to see His work completed, but we can trust that we get to be part of it.

Seems like these always become much longer than I intend. I'll catch you up on week 2 next weekend.

Nighttime Reflections

I miss Hungary. I miss the liver paste on sandwiches, and Hungarian accents. I miss hearing people say "hello" when they ought to be saying "goodbye". I miss my dungeon. I miss peach juice. I miss tucking  the kids in; snuggling with Miriam, Benjamin's laugh, Oliver's dimples. I miss Melinda's wisdom and conversations, and Matt's easy-going nature. I miss those sweet times with Jesus in the evenings after all is quiet.

All that doesn't have very much to do with the rest of this post.

I wrote earlier this year that I wanted to learn to care only for God's opinion, resting fully in my identity in Him. In essence, I wanted to begin drawing my security solely from Christ. These things take time, but I think I am learning.

In Texas, for example, when the singles invited me to take part in their house group one evening, and all I did was put my foot in my mouth the whole time. God's answer to my frustration was quite clearly, Well, you're security isn't in your performance, dear -- your security is Me.

Then during the mission trip with the Ravencrest group, one of the guys made a passing comment about my personality that penetrated me much deeper than he meant it to. But Christy, your personality is not your security. I am.

There was an instance in Hungary when I got pretty angry and hurt (and self-righteous, too) about something that happened on a train - and the Lord simply reminded me, Dear heart, you are upset because you are drawing your security from the wrong things. I am your security. Rest in that.

Sometimes He has to remind me a lot, because I forget a lot. But I am glad to be learning to be secure in Christ.

This world pushes a lot of lies at us about how we ought to look and act. It is, in fact, very rare to find someone (especially us girls - why is that?) who is secure. It's even rarer to find a single woman who is secure. And of course, with summer coming, we're all criticizing our bodies and wishing we looked better in shorts. We're so insecure.

This is why those words, Christy, I am your security, resound so powerfully in my soul when they come from Christ. Suddenly all those things I mentioned are but dim shadows of yesterday. My fears and insecurities are eclipsed by the reality of His life. I cease striving to attain the world's flimsy standard. My soul breathes again. I trust Him. I am at rest.

My security is not my body,
Nor is it in performance;
It isn't in how much I know
Or speaking it with eloquence.
Security is not in morality;
Tis not sustained upon success;
Depends not how others respond,
Failure, what we possess.
My security is found alone in Thee;
For Thou art my Rock and my Salvation;
My deliverer and Fortress;
My Stronghold - I shall not be shaken.

The End... or is it?

My morning began when my eyelashes fluttered open and I became aware of the sunlight flooding my face. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, mooorning! My body felt wonderful, rested, ready to go. I rolled over and sat up.

Perhaps I always take a long time to get ready, or maybe I was just in vacation mode. Either way, it took me at least an hour and a half before I stepped out into the morning sunshine after a delicious breakfast of oatmeal and yogurt. Sunlight licked my face with its warm celestial kisses. Trees bowed gracefully along the road. I dawdled, like Red Riding Hood, and soaked in the golden day. Adam would grow impatient, yes - but we would probably read all day anyway, so I might as well get all the sun I could. I thought of Erica, how if she were here, she'd reprimand us and say, "You can't stay inside on a day like this! Come outside! You have to enjoy this sunshine!" Then I replayed memories from my time with Gemma, Alley and Erica, praying for each of them as I thought of them. Soon enough, I reached Adam's flat, and my morning walk ended.

Most of my mornings during my visit with Adam began thus. The morning walks were like those sweet notes from God - just to remind me how much He loves me. I cherished them.

There were a lot of firsts during my time visiting Adam. First time speaking at an English youth group; first time to read Harry Potter (the whole first five books); first time to have English fish & chips on the sea; first time to London. I guess we stayed pretty busy! The best part was, of course, just getting to spend time with an old friend. We reminisced about Ravencrest quite a bit.

The house I stayed at belonged to a lovely English couple - Sue and Gus - who were members of Adam's church. I stayed in a delightful room which would have been the servants quarters back in the day, and accessed the kitchen via the servant's stairway. My mind imagined all sorts of stories that might have occurred in that house. Sue and Gus themselves were delightful and hospitable. We had some sweet conversations during my stay. Jack (Sue's father) and I also got along swimmingly.

Only a few days into my stay, we discovered that Adam's car had serious issues and that he'd have to scrap it and get a new one. As you can imagine, this whole situation was a bit stressful for Adam. Finances are hard enough without car troubles. I kept telling Adam that God could provide and that he ought to just trust and not stress out. Not even a day later, I got word that some of my plans had fallen through and that I had to buy another plane ticket. Please understand that my dwindling supply of mercenary funds was feeling stricken already due to the $-£ exchange rate. Hence, this was not the best news in the world. I tried not to panic, and looked at plane tickets... but I didn't have much time, so I delayed buying one until the next day. This was a terrible mistake.

The next day the tickets had gone up about $50. I stressed out a bit. Adam noticed my increased stress level and chucked back a few of the things I had said to him - that all would be well, it was an opportunity to trust God, etc. And I knew he was right.

I did get tired of being stressed out, so that day I took a long walk on the beach (you could see it from Adam's porch). Lord, you say to cast all our cares upon You because You care for us. You also say to be anxious about nothing, but through prayer and supplication to bring our requests before You. So here I am with all these anxieties, and I choose to cast them upon You. My request is that you supply money for these next months, because I have none left. Thank You that I can depend upon You to care for me.

That was the turning point. Having presented my requests to God, my heart suddenly was free to begin thanking Him, even though my situation was still as miserable as before. That's the beauty of it. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." - Phil 4:6-7.

I bought my plane ticket later that day, and there was a sort of peace that came when I booked it. My bank account was practically empty. I knew then that it was really NOT in my control. It was up to God to take care of me, and I had every certainty that He would. After all, stranger things have happened. When I got back to my room that evening, I made a list of all the ways God has provided for me in the last few years. My mind at peace, I fell asleep thinking, I am so thankful that I'm in this place of utter dependence on Christ. I know it will not be easy, but I am excited to grow into the better woman that He is making me.

Adam is a youth leader at a Baptist church, so he let me help out with the youth groups a bit. At first I was told that I'd be talking about David and Goliath. This revved me up, because that passage is an ideal one for a Gospel presentation. A couple of days later, Adam informed me that I'd not be talking about David and Goliath, but about myself. You can well imagine how my face fell. I would much rather talk about Jesus. But since it was settled, I figured I could find a way to sneak the Gospel into it. I did talk about myself... For about twenty seconds, that is, haha. To be perfectly truthful, I used my life as illustration, the Gospel as the backdrop, and the Bible as the text... and although I was a bit nervous, I could see that there were definitely some youth who were really locked in on what I was saying.

After the groups were done, some of the leaders approached me and said, "That was good for them to hear. We aren't usually that forward with them, but we really hope it stirs some questions." But for what reason do we live, if not to share the Gospel?

A few days later, Adam and I went to London. It was gorgeous. The day was sunshiny and warm, and we picnicked outside Westminster Abbey. We walked all over the city, crossed several bridges, saw the tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park and many other things as well. There were so many people. As you walk through crowds, do you ever find yourself looking at the strangers around you and wondering what their lives are like? They all have histories and families and worries as well. I found myself doing that several times.

At one point we passed a man in a wheel chair. For some reason I had a strong impression that he was blind. A voice inside me shouted, Go! Talk to him! Pray for him! But I carried on. "I do not possess gold or silver, but what I do have I give to you." The story of the beggar in Acts 3 echoed in my head. I continued still. I still wonder what would have happened if I'd just obeyed.

The next day a lovely couple (Adam's friends) drove me to the airport in London. We talked about Christ the entire way down, which was wonderfully encouraging. All went well with security and the airport, and I was soon on my plane. I journaled for much of the trip back, and stayed awake the whole flight. As my plane landed in LAX, my mind tried to register that my international travels, for the time being, were over.

Ah, but this is just the beginning. That's the beauty of it. Regardless of past successes or failures, I have the rest of my life to make myself available to all that Christ makes available to me!

This is going to be tremendous!

All fairest beauty, heavenly and earthly,

Wondrously, Jesus, is found in Thee;

None can be nearer, fairer or dearer,

Than Thou, my Savior, art to me.

Golden Days

Oh the air is full of singing

The fields are full of fruit

With a song that is not a name

The leaves are falling too

Songs so high they can’t be played

I know I don’t have to say

Look around you

It’s a golden day

-          The Blackthorn Project

I have had a month of golden days, truthfully. When I arrived in England, the whole land was bursting into springtime. The air was full of light scents of blossoms; playful breezes darted here and there; every hollow brimmed over with the sound of birds in song.

The best part, as with every country I have visited, was being reunited with old friends. It was a delight to see Gemma again. Actually, it felt like just... normal... to be there. I mean ‘normal’ in the sense that we both adjusted as if I just belonged there. We spent some time catching up, and Gemma acted as a wonderful tour guide of north England. We spent many days driving to the surrounding area – to Bakewell, where we picked up a Bakewell pudding (twas delicious!); to Castleton, where we climbed all sorts of hills and probably broke a few laws with all our scampering about the hills and fields; to Lake Windermere in the Lake District, where we walked for a couple hours to find a bookshop that ended up being closed; to Capernwray Hall, where Torchbearers began... you see how many adventures we had?

Journal entry from April 20^th:

My time here has been interesting to observe. When we are busy, we are actually VERY busy (and outside a LOT)... and when we’re not busy, we’re very lazy. The TV and I have declared war on each other, and it got the best of me for a few days. I am rubbish at ignoring it, and I can’t sit in the living room without someone coming and turning it on. I am determined to be creative while I am here, and the TV simply sucks my creativity dry. Suddenly I feel lethargic and uninspired; my ideas grow wings and fly out the window; then I pick up my computer and click on Facebook, and the next thing I know, the day is gone, I haven’t walked or written or imagined – I’ve just sat in front of the Tele and Facebooked all day long. It’s a rubbish way to spend a day. Plus, after a day like that, I feel fat as a hog.

The days were gorgeous. Constant sunshine! Who would’ve thought that I’d be in England the one time when it’s possible to get a tan! Fortunately, I eventually learned how to fight the TV, and Gemma’s housemate, Erica, wouldn’t let me waste my time inside. J I often walked in Graves Park during the day. It was just down the road. Otherwise, Erica dragged me outside into the garden, “Christy, come outside! We want to see you! Don’t waste your time inside!” (Thank you, Erica. I spent SO much more time outside than I would have without you.)

I did indeed watch the Royal wedding. I thought it would be silly to be in England for such an historic event and not watch it! Then for Easter weekend, Gemma and I visited her family, went to Capernwray Hall to spend a night (thanks to Mrs. T for getting us a room!), and visited Lake Windermere the next day. Then we spent a night at Adam’s house and headed back. It was definitely good to see Adam after three years. We played Dutch Blitz and it almost felt like old times. It felt so normal to have Adam and Gemma and I all together. Even though they were at RC different years, there is some sort of link in my mind that insists that all RCers OUGHT to know each other. It actually feels quite strange to me when RCers don’t know each other.

Gemma’s housemates were all lovely. Alley explained to me how incredible the burping process is (I have thought of her every time I’ve burped since) and I loved Erica from the get go (who else would have shared their bed with a complete stranger?). Ruth from Oregon works at The Oakes and does not live at the house, but we saw her lots and I adore her. It is such an encouragement to meet a woman who is delighted with her single status. That’s quite rare, and very valuable. Also, Dora from Hungary stole her way into my heart (it wasn’t hard – she’s delightful) and Jenni from America made her way in as well. What an encouragement to meet other Christ-followers who are intent on knowing Him more! There was also Dave from Liverpool (who stole my hoodie and nearly kept it), and Ben – Alley’s boyfriend (most of our conversations turned into arguments, but it was all in good fun), and a whole bunch of Johns and Matts who added to the general wonderfulness of the atmosphere. Many of us watched the first three seasons of The Office during my last week there.

Overall, I was blessed so much to see Gemma and meet her friends and housemates. I learned and was encouraged by my time there, and spent hours upon hours getting headaches in the sun (but it was all worth it). I miss Gemma so much, but look forward to seeing her again next year when she comes to visit me! J Yay!