A Picture
A Thousand Words

Life is NOT what I expect.... ever.

Imagine a fresh painting. Vivid. Lots of color. Probably a spring mountain scene with a lake or stream, and sunshine and shady trees and a meadow, and a huge peak looking calmly down on the splashes of color below. This is my life these moments. And I simply must share the incredible beauty that God has seen fit to smear liberally, as an artist with a brush or paint knife, into my life.

What, you may ask, is the color on my canvas? Why do I feel my life is so rich? There are many, many answers to this question. I will share them with all my heart and see if you don't agree.

Bobby
This amazing man brings me such joy, reminds to walk in the victory Christ has given me, challenges me to look beyond my own nose, prays with me and for me, laughs with me, leads me, behaves like a gentleman, shows me Jesus like a true man. This man is the shadow and sunshine and contrast in my painting that gives it such depth.

San Jose
I almost cannot believe I moved to San Jose. I was afraid to, because I thought suffocate and die in the city. Who knows? Maybe I will. But contrary to what I once imagined, the city is not the end of the world. Traffic is horrible, yes. There are too many people, yes. But I can see hills as I drive the highways, and I can have Bible studies with my sister, and earn money because I have a job, and give money because I am earning it. In our imagined painting, San Jose is the detail that makes up many little interesting parts of the picture. A fox peering around a bush, bubbles in the stream, little birds looking for seed on the ground under a pine tree... Perhaps overlooked at first, those details add spatters of color and cheer to the whole piece.

My Kiddos
I don't have kids, but I feel like a mum sometimes now with three car seats in the back of my car and the three kids I nanny. Kaya is two, Jaz is four and Tai is seven. LOTS more blogs to come about these three. They have brought plenty of spice to my life and I can't even say how neat it is to be a part of this family. The experiences I've had with Tai, Jaz and Kaya have given me an even greater appreciation for the families I know and love so much. When I'm with the kids, I call to mind lessons I learned or observed with Snyder, Vancil and Edwards families. I'm so thankful for the chances I had to watch and learn from these wise ones. I am learning loads on my own as well, through trial and failure, and sometimes trial and success! :) Not all days are easy, but the little victories are encouraging and help me to be excited about what God has set before me. In the painting, these three children are the foreground - the tall pine trees blowing in the wind, the stream gurgling across the canvas, the bit of meadow sprinkled generously with sunny yellow and purple blooms.

Jesus
I must say that my life has taken unexpected turns and twists in the painting of this picture. My one constant has been Christ. I am still learning His perfect faithfulness. I found through each change above that I had perfect peace from God to walk in what He brought me. The peace grows, too, as I continue trusting Him for His plan. All is well. He is the mountain, the earth, the strong foundation of the picture that completes all other parts. He is my Stronghold and my Salvation. The picture would be blank and empty without Him - void of majesty and life.

More to Come
I know I've been unfaithful, but there is much more to tell and now that I have a place to live, I have so many stories to share! I'm settled in. I think my blogging will pick up a little bit. :) This is the signature at the bottom right hand corner of my painting.

This is not the picture of my life, but I like it very much and felt I had to share something with you!

New Year's (Not) Resolutions

It is seriously appalling to me how little I blog anymore. I decided I would make it a goal this year to keep up on my blog, but it's difficult, because I also set a goal to keep up on my journal. What I have found is that I am a pretty consistent writer, but only in one medium. If I journal frequently, my blogging plummets, and if I blog, my journal entries dwindle into nothingness. Then when I pick up on my letter-writing, blog and journal entries sort of just disappear until I stop being faithful to friends via snail mail. I aspire to someday be consistent at all three things simultaneously.

Anyway...

I don't like the term "New Year's Resolutions", because it makes me think of people who can't keep commitments to themselves. I don't know why I think of this... But I don't want to be one of those people, so I don't make resolutions for the new year. I set goals instead.

I also set goals on my birthday each year. This is kind of nice, because if I'm not quite on track with the beginning-of-year goals, I can reset them halfway through the year and make them slightly more realistic and attainable. It's important to set some attainable goals, because then at least I can be sure I'll get to check things off in a year.

I usually also set a few goals that are totally ridiculous... just for the heck of it. Even if I don't reach those goals, they are still fun to work at. But enough jabbering. Behold, my goals for 2012.

1. Read through entire Bible.
2. Be learning to constantly love and serve those around me; especially my family or those with whom I live.
3. Complete Bob George study guides - for real.
4. Learn six new piano songs from sheet music.
5. Read two books per month.
6. Journal (and blog) regularly - especially regarding what I learn in God's Word and His work in my life.
7. Write one letter every day
8. Finish levels 2, 3, and 4 in Rosetta Stone German.
9. Complete the 7 Wonders story with Candi.
10. Go on a special trip with Candi (even a day trip).
11. Be trusting God
12. Be honest
13. Be gracious in everything
14. Be learning and make notable progress in NOT INTERRUPTING PEOPLE.
15. Grow more incurably optimistic!
16. Keep in contact with friends.
17. Be learning to live caring only for God's opinion, resting fully and finding my security in my identity in Jesus Christ.
18. Be learning to walk humbly in submission to God, and to consider others more important than myself, not in false humility, but in true love out-poured through belief in Jesus Christ to be who He says He is in my life.
19. Exercise somewhot (yes, whot) regularly.
20. Get a job, more to San Jose, and save up some money.

You'll notice that I say "be learning" instead of "learn". This is due to the influence of Charlie "Tremendous" Jones:


"Did you ever hear these famous last words: 'This is one thing I've learned'? Know what he's learned? Nothing! I remember saying that, and soon afterward I would wind up learning all over again what I thought I had just learned. Now I've almost learned one thing, and that is that the process of learning to live is TREEEMENNNDOUS!"


Well anyway, it's a lot easier to check off a goal that has "be learning" at the beginning than one that starts with "learn".

The "for real" in Goal #3 indicates that I have extended this goal way too many times. Time to finish something.

The rest are pretty self-explanatory. I want to get better at the things I do. I want to finish things. I want to grow this year. I have already failed at writing one letter per day, but that's a goal that I can work on every time I remember it. I knew I would fail to achieve it when I wrote in there, but I wrote it down anyway with the hope that I will be be a much better correspondent by the end of the year.

Oh, and also:

21. Develop some mad cooking skillz.

What are your hopes for this year?

Admiration

Fall is here. At night as I lay awake whispering last thankful expressions to God, I hear the acorns tumbling off the roof and landing with a soft thud on the ground next to my window. When I drive anywhere, or even walk around my neighborhood, I am awed by the glorious autumn splendor that is bursting colorfully from the trees and fluttering on the fingers of the wind downward to the leaf-strewn ground. The air is crisper, the sunlight is flightier. The days grow tired of holding winter back, and are slowly beginning to sleep in and go to bed early.

This is the time of year where stories start flying through my head and it is all I can manage to type them up before I forget them. There are also a lot of good opportunities for reading in front of the fire, and my mum, dad and I have just started the Little House books again.

Reading these books as an adult is drastically different from hearing them as a child. As I read, I am constantly reminded of families in my life that remind me of Laura Ingalls' family. And in particular, as I read about Mary and Laura's days with Ma, I am increasingly reminded of a lovely lady I know by the name of Sarah Snyder.

Sarah herself blogged once (and I will always remember this) that she believes anything a child CAN do, they ought to learn HOW to do. I remember being struck with the brilliance of this concept; and thought back in my own life about how my mum did this with me and my sibs.

So it is no wonder that I was reminded of Sarah and her girls as I read that:
1. Laura and Mary made their own bed every morning;
2. They helped Ma with the dishes each day, and each wiped off their own cup and plate;
3. On baking day they each made their own little loaf of bread, and once Laura even made a pie in her patty pan;
4. Mary made a doll's dress for Laura's birthday (she couldn't have been more than six-years-old) and Laura knew how to knit when she was four;
5. Mary helped churn the butter;
6. The girls were expected to be polite and use manners.

Sarah is every bit as innovative as Ma in finding ways for her daughters to help. I can picture them doing these same sorts of things right now - minus churning the butter, perhaps.

So, Sarah, if you read this, know that I feel privileged to watch you and Erik raise your family, and that I am taking many notes as I watch so that, like you, I may someday be a woman who is as wise and creative at leading her children each day as Caroline Ingalls was.

If you, my readers, feel that you simply must find out more about this neat family I've mentioned, feel free to visit their blog: http://erikandsarahsnyder.blogspot.com/

Golden Hour

I wrote this while driving from A-town to SJ a couple weeks ago. I plan to take it apart and put it in a story sometime, but until then, here is the raw picture. :)


Endless vineyards at golden hour
Hills rising out of the whole horizon
Great thunderclouds lined up and marching inland
Like a fleet of warships
The sun standing on the westernmost sky
Boldly
Shadows casting themselves upon the hills
Which are yet half-golden
Columns of Eucalyptus trees
Leaning their own shadows over highways
The sun pouring himself warmly
Across the setting countryside
And that certain glow
That comes over the whole world
When it sets

The Bright Side

Last week was really awful. I won't go into detail - you'll just have to believe me. Truly, it was one of the worst weeks I've had all year. Pretty much everything fell apart, broke, didn't go as planned or just plain failed. It was pretty bad.

What I usually do when I have bad days or weeks like that, is try to imagine how much worse it could be. For example, my car broke down right when I needed it the most and I had to rent a car to drive to San Jose for the weekend. So to help myself see the bright side, I tried to think of how it could be worse.


Well, the rental place could have charged me twice as much for being under 25, but they didn't... and at least they had a car available on short notice. And even if my power steering doesn't work on my car,  at least the engine is still sort of running... and it got me back home last weekend, which is a real bonus, because it could have stopped working on the road...


So it takes a bit of creativity, but there is always a way things could be worse - and once you think of those things, your current troubles don't seem quite so bad.

Also, I think God uses the bad weeks to teach us to trust in Him. Things will go wrong in our lives, so it is silly for us to draw our security from our circumstances. But we do anyway, right? What if, instead of drawing our security from our circumstances, we drew our security from Christ? Can you imagine how that would change our reactions to unplanned events in our lives? But I am convinced that God faithfully uses these unplanned events in my own life to show me what is truly important, and to teach me thankfulness.

Every weekend when driving to and from San Jose, I have passed a farm that has great reminders posted up for drivers. When passing the farm, you can see some hand-made signs that say, "Trust Jesus". That is all. And each time I pass them, I am reminded of the only really important thing in life - that I am surrendered to HIM. This week it was a particularly good reminder, because of all that had happened.

Really, even the worst of weeks can be turned into good weeks if we are willing to trust in the One who is in control of our circumstances - namely, Jesus Christ.

My Last Week with Candi Smith :)

On Sunday the 16th Candi and Jordan and I went off-roading in Jordan's Samurai... of course, it doesn't have registration so the off-roading consisted of driving around in Jordan's front yard. :)

The next day Candi I and woke up BRIGHT and early and got ready to spearfish with Jordan. I was apprehensive. Candi expressed several times that Jordan loves this, and that she wanted to love it and do it with him. That was inspiring to me. We met up with Jordan and the Denkers (Ryan and his dad) and loaded up the boat, then drove down to Santa Barbara. Candi and I had never been on a boat in the ocean before, so we had no idea if we would get seasick, but we didn't, even the water was SUPER choppy.

The island was lovely and rocky. Candi and I got into our wetsuits and jumped in, and both swam around for a while and saw some cool things in the water. Candi evenutally got really, really cold. I was afraid she'd catch hypothermia, and Mr. Denker told us to get her into dry clothes so she could warm up. So we did, and finally she got a little warmer. But seriously, for a few minutes there I was thinking how awful it would be if Candi died a few days before her wedding... and I knew I would never forgive myself if something happened to her and I could have prevented it. So I was glad to help her get her wetsuit off and get dry and warm. When we were done we ate some nasty chicken from Vons that had not been refrigerated for the last seven hours. More on this later.

The ride back to the harbor was just as choppy and bumpy as ever. But when Candi and I looked back, the island was enshrouded with bright sunshine and mist. The heavy clouds opened just enough to let the sun make the island a golden glow. We got back to the mainland, got dry, got in the car, headed home... and that's when it all went down. I started feeling horribly ill, and after hours we fiiiiinally got home. I was feeling a bit better when I got to Ann and Darren's, so I went to sleep. Then, to make a gross story short, I woke up later in the night and eventually felt much better due to my stomach's natural and God-given method of dealing with food-poisoning from that nasty chicken. Then Candi woke up and was seriously bummed out because her stomach felt awful as well, and she was REALLY tired and wanted sleep because the wedding was coming. I felt bad for her, but we essentially had one last bit of sister bonding time with shared food-poisoning! It was horrible, and yet strangely endearing, hahaha.

While being sick together we:

Read the Bible together

Talked about our shared symptoms

Were extremely generous in sharing the toilet when the other needed it

Read quite a bit more in An Old Fashioned Girl

Enjoyed wholesome and sweet sister bonding time

Prayed with each other

Sucked on peppermint together

Ate Saltine crackers very slowly

Drank a lot of ginger tea

Generally just enjoyed each other's company and loved on each other

For Candi's bachellorette party on Thursday we had a girls' night in. Elizabeth made an incredible pesto, and Rochelle (fellow bridesmaid and former Ravencrester) and I made a lovely salad. It was pretty awesome. 

Friday morning all of us girls went to get our nails done. I ended up not having mine done. Instead I went next door to the tables outside of Starbucks and Rochelle painted my fingernails. We were in the middle of a really good conversation when a guy who was definitely high on something pulled up to Starbucks. He was shirtless, and struggling to get one on (seriously struggling - like the whole five minutes he was there) and saw Rochelle and I. He started saying weird things, and we ignored him at first. But when he said, "Ooooooooh, nails! Can I see?" I just told him flat out, "No, you can't." and he walked away commenting on how he must have creeped us out. Rochelle and I exchanged half-amused smirks and kept on with the nail painting.

After a minute the high guy came out again and started asking us what in particular about him was creepy. Finally I turned to him and said, "Look dude.... we just have REALLY HIGH standards." 

He started back-peddling, "I didn't even mean it that way, I'm actually married," (he had a ring anyway,) "You aren't even my type... in fact, you're both kind of ugly. Yeah, you're ugly!" 

Rochelle and I just stared at each other with suppressed laughter and did our best to not snort too loudly. We immediately started whispering:

"Oh my goodness! We're ugly!"

"That's our problem! That's why we're still single!"

"Hahaha! Maybe we should have acted devastated."

"What would he have done if we'd burst out crying?"

I'm glad that Ro and I were there to support one another in our ugliness. :P I will always remember that day. You just don't forget that kind of thing. Hahahaha!

That night was the rehearsal dinner. We had chicken. I had a tiny bit. Candi didn't have any. :D Both of us shared a slight aversion to chicken after our food poisoning. When the dinner was all done, Ro and I went to Ann and Darren's and tucked Candi in (after many last minute wedding preparations). We massaged her back and feet and prayed for her, and made her promise to go right to sleep. :)

The next morning all of us bridesmaids met up at the location and were shown to our room. We were soooo spoiled. There were cold water bottles in ice, and tea and coffee, and everything else we could have wanted. We all did our make-up and hair and finally got into our dresses. At one point we heard a loud noise and looked out our window to discover that two of the groomsmen had just arrived in their tuxes.... on their motorcycles. That gave us a good laugh.

Candi arrived from her hair appointment and seriously could have gotten married right then. Her hair was perfect. She was wearing a tiara... and yoga pants, lol. She didn't have make-up on, but she didn't even need it. She looked amazing. We all tried to convince her to just marry Jordan as she was, but she decided that since she'd gotten a dress, she might as well wear it.

Finally we were all dressed and ready, and from there the day kind of just flew by. We went down to do pictures (Candi and I did a special one together with barfing faces... just to commemorate the food poisoning incident), and before I knew it I was watching Candi walk down the aisle. She and Jordan exchanged their beautiful vows, and Candi looked like a fairy tale princess. I couldn't stop smiling when I looked at her. Then the wedding was done, the reception was in full swing, and what with conversations with friends, cake cutting, and finally toasting the happy couple, I feel like those hours just slipped through my fingers. Before I knew it, they drove away.

I was fortunate in that I got to deliver Candi's jewelry that she left behind - so I did see them one last time before they left for their honeymoon. I didn't want the celebration to end, but by the time I hit the pillow that night, I was utterly exhausted - emotionally and physically - and that is probably the reason for the very long cry that ensued. But I thanked Jesus for giving me Candi as a sister, and now Jordan as a brother. And when I was done I fell into a deep and restful slumber.

That was my last week with Candi Smith... but many adventures with Jordan and Candi Van Horn will follow, I am sure. :) Hopefully there will be pictures to come!

Right in My Eyes

In the book of Judges it says: "In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes." (Judges 17:6; 21:25) This is an attitude I have noticed in people quite a lot recently. But the more I recognize it in others, the more excruciatingly vivid it becomes in my own attitude. I am guilty of thinking I'm always right... or at least that I always have the right intentions.

My friend Shiloh actually brought this to my attention a few months ago. I was presenting how I really find myself to be an interesting person (though this may be vain, it IS true), and Shiloh made the comment, "Well, every man is right in his own eyes, according to the Bible." I admit that I felt a bit surprised - I was rather expecting something like, "But Christy, you ARE incredibly interesting!" Hahaha. But that was the start of all my thoughts on this, so I'm grateful for his words.

The truth is, Shiloh is correct. Each man is right in his own eyes. It says in Proverbs, "The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but he who listens to counsel is wise." (Prov 12:15) and again, "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart)." (Prov 16:2)

We all give preference to ourselves. When we hurt others we know it wasn't intentional... or even if it was, they deserved it because they hurt us first. Our actions are right to us. We excuse thoughts that others would find offensive. We dismiss hurtful comments because we didn't intend them to come out that way. We pardon our actions because they came out of misunderstanding (if we had been informed, we would never have done that!). In the beginning of his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shows that even the worst of criminals believe themselves innocent!

I suppose another thing that made me notice this in myself was the privilege of observing the same attitude in certain campers while I counseled one week this summer. During and after that week of camp, I noticed that every time something irritating happened, even if it was my fault, I immediately started making excuses for myself. I'm so tired. I haven't had a moment to myself all summer. Well I have to shower SOMETIME. She knows I hate it when she says that. They could have at least TOLD me that they were offended! Why are we so much readier to extend grace to ourselves than to others?

Thankfully, I did notice this ugly selfish regard for myself. So when I found myself justifying something, I stopped myself and set myself straight, and within a minute I was justifying myself about something else. You'd think I was hopeless. Thank God for His indwelling life; His very Spirit to lead me in the way I should walk!

The whole thing reminds me of a song called The Problem by Downhere (my all-time favorite band):

There's got to be some reason for all this misery

Some secret evil corporation somewhere overseas

They're pulling strings arranging things

It's a conspiracy!

Or what about the ones who shaped the course of history?

What if we petitioned for one grand apology?

I'll write to my prime minister -

You write your president!

Everybody's wondering how the world could get this way

If God is good, and how it could be filled with so much pain

It's not the age-old mystery we've made it out to be

Yeah there's a problem with the world

The problem with the world is me

Some will say the devil and his legions

Have put us in a headlock of submission

But they lost all power over me

A long, long time ago

And since I was a kid you know I've caused a lot of hurt

No-one ever taught me how to put myself first

It came so very naturally

I'm not a prodigy

So I will look no further than the mirror

That's where the great offender hides

So great is my need for a redeemer

That I cannot trust myself

No, I cannot trust myself

I dare not trust myself

So I trust in Someone else

The sooner you can sing along

The sooner you can sing this song

The happier you'll be

The problem with the world is me.

I especially love the second verse because it is so revealing of life apart from Christ. It's not like we need to WORK at being selfish. It comes naturally. The problem isn't an outside force - it's me.

Our world is so ready to help us blame others. Just listen to the media, or psychology, or your friends. Ironically, if everyone blames everyone, it's still everyone's fault. So let's own up. Let's be true men and women instead of mere shadows. Let's take responsibility for that which belongs to us - specifically, our own thoughts, intents and actions.

In my own life this means taking the blame when I'd rather not, turning the other cheek, giving preference to others and considering their needs as more important than my own. It cannot hurt me; "it only hurts my pride, and I do not owe my pride anything" (MacDonald). I am ready to be a true woman - one who gives instead of takes; one who serves instead of demands; one who loves truly and lives uprightly.

"For through the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think so as to have sound judgment..." Romans 12:3a